Thoughts on this past week

I wrote this blog post yesterday, Saturday, February 6, 2010.

Here I am in Starbucks atain one week since I wrote my letter to my Zoe girl, almost 1 week since her funeral. I promised Zoe I wouldn't waste another day. I ahve started to keep my promise.

This week I started watching less TV and am spending a lot less time on the Internet. I've thought about a lot this week. I've taken some huge steps in the right direction, but still have a long way to go.

This week was a bit bizarre. I really just went through the motions of life. My heart was not in this week. It was a MAJOR off week. I just cannot put my finger on it, but the good news is is I persevered and finished my week as strong as I could.

I headed to Weight Watchers knowing that I had lost weight and looked forward to finding out how much I had lost. I lost 4 pounds. I am very happy about that loss because it really taught me a lot about myself.

I was having, for lack of a better word, a bad week. My workouts could have been better, my eating a little better, but I did it. I persevered and I lost 4 pounds. This made me realize that this healthy lifestyle is just that, my lifestyle.

In the past if I would have had a bad week I would have closed down, not tried, and had a 5 pound gain if not more.

Even with the 4 pounds loss ther were some things I did this week that I was not happy about. I have already done some self-reflection and am ready for my new week. I love that I am losing weight. I love that my workouts are on fire, but what i love the most is that i see positive changes mentally everyday.

The title of my blog is, "Journey to Ironman Wisconsin 2012." When I am ready to toed the line at IMWI '12 I will be both mentally and physically ready because of weeks like this.
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ON A SIDE NOTE:

I had my second meeting with my new counselor, James. We are staring to really explore some issues that I have had that led to my being overweight. I have kept things in so long, not talked about them, and now after shedding 82 pounds, I'm finally ready to talk and free myself.

If you are on a journey to
lose weight and better yourself this year please do not forget to mentally take care of yourself. Whether your battling your weight, smoking, or something else, please figure out the WHYS of what you are struggling with.

I am convinced that's why I am having success. I've done weight loss before, but never had the success I'm having now. I"ve also noticed a HUGE change in my mind set too. Before I used to think about, "If and when I gain the weight back," now I know, "I will NEVER gain the weight back." That is a great feeling to have.

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WW UPDATE FOR THIS WEEK:

Lost: 4 pounds
Total lost: 82.6
Current Weight: 223.6

A Letter To Zoe

While on my weight loss journey I have been working on a lot mentally. I have had a lot of questions in the last year about my faith in God. I have had my ups and my downs in life. I have been trying to get this all straightened out so that I can never emotionally eat again. On January 27, 2010 I met with a new counselor to continue the mental journey I am on. We had a great session. On January 27th, 2010 a little 22 month old sweetheart named Zoe was drawing her last breath. She had Trisomy 18. I have run races in her honor. When I read on Thursday that she had passed away, my heart was crushed. I have had two days to do a lot of self reflection. I wrote Zoe a letter. Read on and see what I have learned about myself from this little one's life. Zoe, you have changed my life FOREVER. I will never forget you and never forget how God has used you in my life. I will never waste another day.

Dear Zoe Girl,

Hi Sweetie! We have never met in person, but I feel like I know you because of reading your Daddy's blog and facebook page. I loved reading about you and all of your adventures. you would always bring a smile to my face and there were days that I needed that. I am sad that I will never meet you here on earth. VERY SAD. Your Daddy and I were just talking about when I could make it to Wisconsin to meet you all in person and hang out. I look forward to meeting you in Heaven someday. I cannot wait to see you running towards me calling out my name. I think your brother, Ethan, said it best when he said you were eating cereal for breakfast, running, and doing handstands. I love picturing you doing those things.

Zoe, Have you met my mom yet? I'm sure you have. Her name is Patti, but kids call her Miss Patti. She loved kids while she was on earth and I know she's lovin' on kids in Heaven too. I'm sure she's met you and is lovin' on you Zoe girl. I like picturing her taking care of all the little children that are waiting for their reunions with their Mommys and Daddys. Don't worry she will love on you until you are reunited with your Mommy, Daddy, Brothers, and Sisters.

Sweet Zoe girl, I have a little confession to make. I've been pretty selfish lately. I've been having a pity party. I've been feeling sorry for all these things that have happened in my life. I have been very angry, very angry at God. Instead of living each day to its fullest, like you, I've been just skimming by, going through the motions. Telling myself that I could just do what I wanted, that God was just going to let me down again anyway. I would read about His miracles and get mad, really mad. I wanted to know why he chose not to save my baby sister, my mom, or kids with Trisomy like you. I started distancing myself from others, and from Team Trisomy. If I distanced myself I couldn't be hurt of let down.

In some of my darkest hours I talked to your Daddy. He told me no matter what Jesus loves me and has never let me go. He told me to just talk to God and tell Him about how I was feeling and He would meet me where I was. I started to a little here and there, started back to church. It was slow, but it was a start. I was still fighting it, still angry, and God and Satan were in an all our tug of war for my life. I knew I needed help so I called up my church and asked ot see a counselor. Guess when my first session was? January 27th 2010, the day you passed away. While you were fighting for your life, I was starting to fight for mine in a different sense.

i have had a lot happen in my life sine I was 7 years old, but my counselor was showing me the fact that God was there for me. One thing that he said to me that has changed my thinking is this, "Melissa you are not God. When tough things come your way just say, 'I am not God. I don't understand this, but He does and He's in control. Only He needs to know the Whys. I will trust HIm.' "My counselor reminded me How much Jesus loves me and that He is grieved by what's happened to me. It was the first time in years that I felt it.

Then the next morning I read that you went home to be with Jesus. I wept. I wept because I will miss you. I wept for your Mom and Dad. I wept for your brothers and sisters, but you know why I wept the most. Because I have wasted so much time in my 36 years of life. I have felt sorry for myself, I turned my back, and gave up. You never did that. Zoe, in your life and death you have taught me so much and your life was not in vain. you lived every day to the fullest. You never gave up. you were a fighter. I have just gone through this life going through the motions. When I heard you died I told God, "God, Thanks goodness Im not you and I don't have to understand why Zoe girl had to have Trisomy and why she couldn't have lived longer. Thank you for loving us and for being in control. We may not understand, but we trust you. Please tell Zoe I miss her, but I will never waste another day."

Zoe girl, today I am making a pledge to you and God. I am going to live each day to the fullest. I am going to give everything to God even if I don't like it or understand the whys. I am going to concentrate on how much He loves me and remember that no matter what He will never let go of me. I have been away from God for years and because of you, Zoe Girl, I am back and I have learned so much about God and His love for us. Because of you I no longer have my back turned on Him. The night you were drawing your last breath, I was drawing my first. Thank you so much, Zoe, for everything I am forever changed because of you. Greg, Jen, and kids, thanks for sharing Zoe with us. I am forever grateful.

Much love, Melissa Black-PROUD MEMBER OF TEAM TRISOMY. My next race is for you ZOE GIRL. HUGS and KISSES.

I AM HAPPY!!

I found these life instructions while googling images for the word HAPPY and realized this is soooo me. I have fun, I don't hurt, people, I no longer accept defeat, and not only am I striving to be happy I am genuinely happy.

Recently on facebook my status just read I AM HAPPY!! People were asking me what happened to make me so happy and you know what, nothing had happened. I woke up happy that day, I had a great day, and I went to bed happy. It is so hard to explain, but I am just geniunely happy now and there isn't much that can change that. As you read in my last post I had a lot happen to me on Thursday. Yes, I was frustrated for a few minutes, but you know what? I was able to turn it around in just a few minutes of reflecting on my life and my blessings and those things didn't even bother me anymore. I was happy.

My status on facebook last night read HAD A GREAT DAY. I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND MY KIDS. LIFE IS GOOD. I got an instant message that read, "So we were wondering what is behind your status? What made your day so great?" You know what, there was nothing that special about my day yesterday, but I got to go see Parker and his theater group sing a song from their show, I got to talk to him on the car ride home, I got to eat dinner (which my hubby cooked) with my whole family and sit there and laugh and tell stories. I got to look at my kids and husband all laying in bed together watching a movie and my MAC was all fixed without crashing and losing pictures of my family and friends. I was just genuinely happy and actually think I went to bed with a smile on my face, literally.

I have even noticed lately that I walk differently. I do not walk all hunched over. I walk tall, I smile at everyone I come in contact with, and I even have a bounce in my step. I never have had a bounce in my step. It's really AWESOME!!

I have a friend that had this happen to him. He would try and explain to me how happy and content he was. I really wanted that happiness and contentment in my life. He would always tell me that there was really no way to explain it, but he knew I would get there someday. I"m there and now I understand what he meant because there is really no way for me to explain it, but I wanted to try.

It feels so good to be at this place in my life. I am so happy. Does that mean I won't have those days where life is hard? Days where I will get mad at the kids or Keith? Sad or frustrated when things happen? Of course I will have those days, but those will just be a bump in my journey and I will get myself right back on the road and remember these days where I have felt so happy I could just burst at the seams.

Like I put in my status LIFE IS GOOD and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for me. I pray that you may find the same happiness in your own life and when you do it will be hard to explain to others. Have a HAPPY day and Be GREAT today. This is your day.

I want to thank my friend, Benny, for always sharing his story with me. He has been my friend for years now and has always known that this day would come for me. Thanks Benny. You were right, it is hard to explain, but it is fun to try. Have a great day Benny!!

One of those days. . . .

Yesterday was one of those days.



I was a good mom and told my kids in the morning, "Guys,be very careful walking to the car. There is some ice at the end of the driveway, I don't want you to slip and fall." Did I listen to my own advice? NOOooo! I slipped on the ice, but didn't fall. However, it did jarr my whole body. I still went to the gym and swam a mile, but then realized after my swim that I was in pretty bad shape, so went to the chiropractor. Woke up this morning still in a lot of pain.

I have a MAC laptop. It fell last week and started making a little bit of a weird noise. I knew I had to take it in, but hadn't had the time, was going to this weekend. Guess what? It crashed last night. I haven't backed it up in awhile, so we will see what can be saved.

I stepped on the scale yesterday and it shows that I gained weight this week. I do not really know how I gained weight, but that is what it is saying.

Last night when my computer crashed I cried. It was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. I cried cause of possibly losing pictures, I cried because I was in pain, I cried because sometimes I get tired of all the hard work that I'm putting in to only see a gain on the scale. Then I SUCKED IT UP BUTTERCUP and realized some things.

I realized that I am so blessed to live in a wonderful house in a wonderful community. I am very happy to have a sidewalk that leads to a driveway with a new car in it. Ok, so I slipped and hurt myself. I could feel sorry for myself or I could think about the fact that I am so blessed that my husband has a job with good health insurance and because of that I was able to go to the chiropractor to get my back and neck worked on.

I am also blessed to be able to head to a gym to workout. I realize that not everyone has that opportunity and I do. My gym has all up to date equipment and a wonderful staff. There have been days this week where I thought the pool was cold, or a machine didn't work right, or a class schedule had been changed. These were all frustrating things to happen to me, but then I realized I shouldn't complain because I am so happy to have a great facility to work out in. This is a blessing to me and one that I am forever grateful for.

Another blessing that I am able to have is a coach. This is something again, that not everyone has, but I do. I talked to my coach twice yesterday. He really takes his time explaining things to me. He checked on me after I told him about my slipping on the ice because he was concerned. Again, this is not something that I take for granted. I appreciate all he does for me and again realize that not everyone has the money to hire a coach.

I have been frustated this week about Weight Watchers. The scale says that I have a gain. I know I have lost 75 pounds and that there are going to be weeks I gain weight. That is just life, it happens, but I tend to get frustrated about it. I was frustrated about it yesterday and then got to thinking about how fortuanate I am to be able to afford Weight Watchers. I am able to go every week. Because of going I have lost 75 pounds in the last 14 months. I have a great support system there, I have great friends, and the most wonderful leader. Where would I be without Weight Watchers? I would still be over 300 pounds and unhappy. So, how will I feel if I have a gain at the scale. I will feel blessed not to be that over 300 pound unhappy woman and will make the adjustments I need to make this week to have a better week.

I have a laptop that crashed last night. The main thing that I cried about was possibly losing some pictures. What I then realized is that I am very blessed to be able to do the activities and vacations and birthday celebrations that my family are able to do. I am blessed to have a digital camera and a computer to load them onto. I realize that these things are a blessing and not everyone is able to have the family vacations, events, or even birthday celebrations that we are able to have. Even if I end up losing pictures, I have the memories of those celebrations and am very thankful for those memories.

Yes, I had one of those days and I would be lying if I said that I was not bummed, frustrated, or even sad, but I have so much more to be thankful for. My blessings and thankfulness outweighs the bad, the frustration, and the sadness. After yesterday, I could say that my glass is half empty or even completely empty for that matter, but you know what? When I think about it, I realize that my glass is half full, no wait a minute, it's full, no come to think about it, my glass is overflowing and it took a hard day yesterday for me to realize it.

Think about your glass. Is it empty, half empty, half full, full, or overflowing? It all depends on how you look at it. Change your outlook and your glass will overflow.

Archery and Goals

I find myself awake this morning, not able to sleep, so I am thinking about things. I am thinking about my goals that I am trying to obtain in my life, I am thinking about my training, my diet, my life. Nothing like a little deep thinking to start my day. :)

I have been wanting to write about my goals and such for awhile now, being that it is January and most people write about that. At the end of 2009 I was actually very disappointed in not reaching a certain goal that I had in mind. It actually was eating away at me. I was ticked. I was focusing on not hitting a goal instead of what I had accomplished. My coach, Bob Mitera, had a talk with me and gave me a new way to look at my targets and my goals. I have started to use the analogy of an archer to picture what he was telling me.

We all need targets in our lives. Those BIG accomplishments that we want to hit. Those accomplishments are our targets. I would like to lose 153 pounds, and do my first Olympic Distance triathlon this summer. As an archer I have set those up as my two current targets for 2010. Now, I have to ask myself, "Self, what are you going to do to hit your targets?" My arrows are my small goals that I have set to hit my BIG targets. For my Weight loss Target I have committed to never missing a Weight Watcher meeting, tracking everything that goes into my mouth, and eating 5-6 servings of fruit and veggies everyday. If I hit all of those goals I will hit my target. For my triathlon target I have committed to working with my coach, trusting what he tells me, and doing my best to hit every single workout, logging my workouts, and working with Heart Rate Monitor in my training.

I used to do archery as a kid both with the family and at summer camp. There was never a time when I hit the bulls-eye every time on the target. NEVER. I would try. Some arrows would completely miss the target, some would hit on the edge, and some would hit the bulls-eye. It was exciting when it would hit the bulls-eye, but that was not always the case. When I would not hit the target I would have to collect my arrows, readjust my aim and take shot again at the target. Do you see where this is going?

I have goals for 2010 and beyond. I have set up my targets, I have chosen my arrows, i am taking aim, and shooting them at my targets. Will I reach 153 pounds lost total by the end of 2010? I don't know, but that is my target, but you know what? Life happens. I cannot control every aspect of my journey. If I don't hit my target, guess what? I will not be upset. I will readjust my arrows, I will take aim, and shoot again just like an archer does.

I didn't understand totally the first time Coach Bob explained it to me, but once I had archery as my visual and could see it like that, it finally clicked. Bob wrote about this on his blog at Kokua Mulitpsports. Check it out. Thanks again Bob for helping me understand this concept. It has really helped me readjust my thinking on my goals and I know that at the end of 2010 regardless of whether or not I hit my targets, I will be able to look back at my goals and know that I did everything that I could control to hit those targets.

That is just one thing I was thinking about this morning as I couldn't sleep and wanted to get my thoughts down about it. Let me know if there is anyway I can help you hit your targets this year. If you are trying to lose weight, do a race, quit smoking, organize your house, gain weight, spend more time with your family, whatever it may be, you can set those targets up and start aiming your arrows. and shooting them. Who knows maybe by the end of 2010 you will have hit your bulls-eye.

Email from a Pro Triathlete

Today I got a message on my cell phone that I had a message from Chrissie Wellington in my facebook mailbox. She is one of my favorite pro triathletes. She won the 2009 Ironman World Championship in Kona. I had sent her a friend request on facebook with an email. I told her how she inspires me and that I love how she smiles during her triathlons and took a minute to tell her about my journey. Here's the response I got form her today:


Chrissie Wellington January 19 at 2:46pm Report
thanks so much for your email melissa, it made me smile - i am so inspired by your story. a huge congrats for losing the weight, and for aiming high - IMWI..you can do it!
good luck with everything you do, in sport and outside
with smiles
Chrissie

This really made my day and really encouraged me in my journey. Whatever you want to do, dream big, and you can do it!! I"m living proof of that.

Have a great day and remember to be great today!!

Email from a facebook friend

I have been getting emails on a regular basis now asking for my advice and encouragement. I decided to start posting the emails from those people and posting my responses here. Here is the first email asking some questions:


Hi Melissa - Just wanted you to know what an inspiration you are. I have recently lost 25 lbs. and want to lose more, but sometimes lack the motivation/time factor because of working full time and kids/family. You keep me going by your posts. Just thought I would share... Do you eat specific foods in addition to excerising? How often do you workout? Just thought I would pick your brain because sometimes my weight stays the same...

Thanks again,
K

Hi K,

Thank you so much for sending me this email. I am so glad that my posts are keeping you going on your journey and just let me say that I am so proud of you for losing 25 pounds. Keep up the great work. I know how hard it is to even lose 5 pounds, so losing 25 is very impressive. I also know how hard it is to keep the motivation going along the way. The way that I stay motivated is to picture myself at my final goal and what I want to be doing. I ask myself, "Is this food or tv show going to help me reach my goals?" Most of the time the answer is no, so I don't even go there because reaching my goal is more important to me then eating the junk or sitting around watching TV and not being active.

I also had a mom that died, obese, at the young age of 53. She ended up getting colon cancer. She was overweight and was in pain for years and it was overlooked because of weight. By the time she was diagnosed it was too late, her cancer had spread to her liver and lymphnods. We lost her 7 months later. This is something that has motivated me greatly. I do not want to die young and leave my husband and kids early like she did. I want to live a long, happy, life and live to see my grandkids. I am well on my way to doing that.

What is the reason you want to lose weight? What has been your motivation in the past? Think of those reasons and your motivation and post it somewhere. I have before pictures on my fridge. I have pictures taped on my bathroom mirror of triathlon pictures, I have quotes written down everywhere. I constantly have visual reminders for me to read or look at to stay motivated.

I am very blessed at the moment not to be working, so as far as working out I work out quite a bit and even sometimes twice a day. I am working out as much as I can before getting a job because I know it will be harder to do once I work. I do realize this is a blessing, but at the same time there are times I have to schedule my workouts just like everyone else. I am in bed every night between 9-930pm and twice a week I am up by 4am to be at the gym by 5am to swim and be home before my kids are awake. I will do this everyday once I work to get my workouts in before heading to work. I also am a member of the YMCA and work out at 5 different Y's depending on what activitivies my kids are involved with. If Parker is at theater I go to one Y, if I am buy Tricia's school I go to the Y by her school, if they are at a church event I am at the Y by church. I am not a mom that sits on the sideline while they are at an event. If they are at swim lessons, I"m in the pool swimming laps. I do not know how old your kids are, but most YMCA's and a lot of gyms have child care options I have also heard from a lot of mom's that have young kids that there are great WORKOUTS on comcast I believe and I know my library has a bunch of workout DVD's you can check out. There always a way to workout. If you have specific scenarios feel free to let me know and I will help you schedule into your week. YOU CAN DO THIS.

You asked what do I eat? I have actively been on Weight Watchers since November 2008. I have lost 75 pounds since then. I make it a point to eat at least 4-5 servings of fruits and veggies a day if not more. I only drink water. If I need to have something else I will drink tea. I have not had soda in almost 2 years. I have pretty much given up artificial sweeteners and high fructose corn syrup. I'm not saying I don't have my days where I slip up, but I eat pretty clean now. I know what my trigger foods are and for the most part stay away from them. The key to my good eating is that I now journal EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth. That makes a huge difference. I would encourage you to do this if you do not already.

As far as your weight staying the same, make sure you are switching up your workouts and trying new foods. Your body can get used to what you are doing. If you are always doing the same workout switch it up. If you are always eating chicken and salad, try new foods. You need to surprise your body and I believe you will see your weight go down again.

I hope that this has helped you. If you have any other questions just let me know and I will be happy to get back to you.

Be great,
Melissa

Are you starting your new year resolutions?

I was at the gym today and sitting down to change my shoes.
There was a guy next to me resting and he says to me,
"So you starting your new year resolutions too?"
I told him,
" I started my new year resolutions in November (dramatic pause) of 2008."
He looked puzzled and then smiled.
I then took the opportunity to share with him that this past week I lost 3.4 pounds
and have lost 75 total.

I had Weight Watchers yesterday and hit my goal of 75 pounds lost. I'm so excited. I cried like a baby I was so happy. This is a HUGE milestone and I am thrilled that I made it. Next up 100 lost. I should reach this goal on or before March 27th. Thanks EVERYONE for your constant encouragement and love during my journey. I say it all the time, but I could not do this without you.

MY 2010 A RACE

I just signed up for my first Olympic Triathlon EVAH!!
I will be in the Athena division in the Lake Zurich Triathlon on July 11, 2010.
If you are in the area, come race with me, come volunteer, or come cheer me on.
I'm nervous, but excited about this race. Bring it on!!
This is THEE race of the year for me. This is the reason I will be training. This is my A race.
All the rest of the events that I do, from here on out, will be events to CELEBRATE MY FITNESS.
I'm very excited. I"ve paid my money. It's on the calendar.
By the end of this summer I will be able to say, "Melissa, You are an Olympic Distance Triathlete!!" Eeep!!

My bet with Andy Update

So my bet with Andy was just kicked up a notch this morning when I logged onto Facebook to see my dear friend Andy trash talking me. He has lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks. Not bad. I'll give him his props. I've lost 2. Now when I got started on my journey 72 pounds ago I, too, had big weight loss at the beginning, so as proud of Andy as I am, I'm sure he's just dropped some water weight. I can trash talk as good as they come, so game on Andy. Here is a little something I made to put on my fridge and to look at while working out. You are so going down Andy, my friend. You know I love you, but the stakes are high and so is my pride. :-)

Cool.

Recently in a spinning class I reached down to adjust my shoe and I saw it. I had a calf muscle. I had a hard calf muscle. I checked out my other calf and guess what? I had a muscle there too.

Recently I rubbed my side and felt something weird. It was my rib cage.

Recently while laying on my side with my knees together I reached down to itch the side of my knee and realized there was a bone there that I never felt.

Cool!!

From Sloth to Cheetah

My family took a trip to Costa Rica a few years back and we stayed at a remote resort there. It took us 2 hours by boat to get to it. It was incredible. We saw so much wild life. I will never forget it. Everyday we took river cruises to look for wildlife and to take tours of nearby towns. Every day when we would get in the boat and we would start our journey. We would see a sloth up in a tree. We were there for four days and every day we would see that same sloth in our comings and goings. He would just be up in the tree in the same spot eating. That sloth maybe moved a total of 6 inches. Six inches in 4 days. We looked forward to our journey every day to see if that sloth had moved. On our last day we were sad to leave because we would no longer be able to check up on our slothy friend.


This morning I was talking to a friend of mine and talking about my journey and I said to him, "I'm just glad to be going from sloth to cheetah" After we were done talking I realized my life was much like that sloth in Costa Rica. There were days on end where I would only move from my room, to the kitchen, back to my room to watch TV. I would get my kids on the bus, and spend my days just eating and staying in one place. Not moving very much. Very much being a sloth. I would get the kids on the bus, eat, sleep, watch TV, eat, sleep, until the kids were off the bus.




These days my life if much different. I'm up two days a week at 430 am, so I can swim and be home before my kids wake up. I get Parker on the bus and am excited to get back to the gym to hit a spinning class, the elliptical, or to lift some weights. I'm moving faster than I ever have before and am on the hunt for a new adventure everyday. I may not be quite Cheetah status yet, but I am closer everyday and will choose being a Cheetah any day over being a sloth and am happy to report that my slothing days are over.

January 1st 5K

I am doing a 5k on January 1st to kick off my New Year the right way. I have two friends doing it with me and my brother. I was thinking it would be neat to get as many people to do a 5k on January 1st nationwide. It starts at 11am central time. Wherever you are run a 5k at that time and it will be like we are all running it together. Send me a note if you are in and let's see how many people we can get to do it. Come on you know you wanna run with me.

If you are in Chicago the info is below come on out. It's gonna be a blast.



25th Annual New Year's Day 5K Run/Walk
Date: January 1, 2010
Time: 11 a.m. start
Location: Lincoln Park (Stockton Drive & LaSalle) | Chicago
Beneficiary: Lakeview Citizens Council

Kick off 2010 on the healthy footing at the New Year's Day 5K Run & Walk--Chicago's first official 5K running event of 2010! This iconic annual run/walk -- now celebrating its 24th year -- is a fave with Windy City sports enthusiasts!

An estimated 1,500 runners and walkers are expected to lace up on the first day of the New Year at the run & walk that starts at the south end of Lincoln Park. The course route winds north along the lakefront bike path to Diversey Harbor before returning to the North Avenue Field House.

My Bet with Andy

This is my friend Andy. I went out to Arizona in November to cheer him on in the Ironman and to finally meet him and some of my other blogger friends in person. It was a great trip and a great time. Andy and I just met within the last year and he and his family are great and I look forward to getting to know them even better.

Andy and I are both working on becoming more healthy. We were talking and decided that we both wanted to lose around 30 pounds, so we decided to make it a little bit more fun by making it a bet.

So we are aiming to lose about 35 pounds by the end of March. March 27th to be exact. If Andy wins, which those of you that know me, know he won't, I have to wear a big L on my forehead all day and explain to people why I am a loser.

If I win, which you all know I will, Andy has to wear a pink shirt that says, "I lost a bet to a girl." It will also say something else that I just haven't figured out yet.

The goal for both of us is to hit under 200 pounds by the end of it all. No matter who wins, but we know it will be me, it will be worth wearing a big L on my head or Andy wearing pink because we will be healither.

Andy, I am so glad we met and cannot wait to hang out again sometime both being smaller and healthier. Here's to our little bet. May the best person win, which we know is me. :-P

Here's some haikus for you. A haiku is a poem where there are 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the last. They do not have to rhyme.

Hey Andy, Game's on.
We are going to lose weight
and you will wear pink!!!

Your family is great
You're pretty okay yourself
I am glad we met!!

Racing with you will
be fun in 2012
I can hardly wait!!

It's amazing. . . .

How quickly old thoughts can creep back into your head when you've been doing so well with everything.

That happened to me today. On my schedule for working out I had a 1750 swim with no stopping.

You remember my blog post about switching to smaller, tinted goggles, well I was wearing those today. I no longer keep my big goggles on the edge of the pool because I felt like it was just a security blanket, giving me to ok to go back to them, so they were in my bag in the locker room. It was dark and snowing when I left the house, the lighting in the pool is not that great, so it was darker in the pool area, and my goggles kept fogging up.

I started my swim and realized very quickly that I was feeling a little claustrophobic in the water. I stopped after the first 100, for about 30 seconds, told myself not to stop, started again, went another 100 and then stopped again. Told myself to not stop anymore and got going again and started to get panicky in the water. I told my self several times to go and get my big goggles, but I didn't. My mind was racing while swimming. I started to tell myself, "Who do you think you are thinking you can do an Ironman? People like you don't do Ironman races. Look at that guy next to you, that's who does Ironman." Things like that. The pool was very crowded today and people came in and were asking other people if they could share a lane and no one was asking me, so then the negative voice popped in my head and was saying, "No one is asking you cause your still so fat."

I made it to 950 yards before stopping again and was ready to call it a day and go home. I was having trouble breathing (thanks to a ventilation system that keeps breaking), I was having some panic with how dark everything was, and for some reason all that stupid negative talk was popping in my head. I stood there about 1-2 minutes. Talking to myself, out loud, "Ok, if you are a quitter, just get out of this pool, right now and go home. When you are in an Ironman, it will be dark in the water, you will feel panicky, what are you gonna do, get out of the lake and call it a day? I don't think so. Just get swimming and deal with it. You're fine. You can do this. Now get swimming and now looking back." I am proud to say that I started swimming and did the rest of my swim without stopping, with flip turns. It was still dark in the pool, my tinted goggles were still fogging up and I just imagined myself in a triathlon swimming and telling myself that I deserved to be healthy and deserved to be an Ironman triathlete and no more negative thoughts came back while I finished my swim.

It was amazing to me how quickly my old way of thinking just popped into my head and how I almost let it get to me. I need these days every once in awhile, so I do not forget who I was and where I came from, but more importantly who I am becoming because the old me would have gotten out of the pool at 950 yards. I would have used my panic and self doubt as excuses to get out of the pool. I would have let all those negative thoughts take over and today I DID NOT. I overcame and I finished swimming in fact I did more than I was supposed to. I was supposed to swim a 1750 today and ended up doing 2500 total that includes some kicking and the use of pull buoys, but I did 2500 yards and grew emotionally and mentally in the process.

I am a new athlete.

Revisiting the topic of flip turns

Maybe someday I'll be this excited to do flip turns.


Back on November 12, 2009, I wrote about flip turns, I did not like flip turns, I never wanted to do another one, and even asked you all why I had to learn them.

My coach met with me, we swam, and we worked on flip turns. He encouraged me just to add a few flip turns to each swim workout and eventually I would feel more comfortable with it. I told him OK that day, but my mind was saying YEAH RIGHT. I showed up for my next workout, not even thinking about flip turns and the most amazing thing happened. It freaked me out a little. I started swimming and when I got to the wall, without even thinking about it, with no panic, I DID A FLIP TURN. When I came up out of the water I had a little trouble breathing, and had to tread for a second, but not because I had trouble or lost my breath, but because I was excited that I had done it and the excitement broke my concentration. That day was a turning point for me. I would love to say that I did flip turns the whole time. I would love to say that they were perfect. I would love to say that I started loving them, but I can't say any of those things, but what I can say is that when I did flip turns that day there was a sense of peace,not panic. There was a sense of pride, not myself telling me I can't do it. I knew that day I had turned a corner in a very good way.

That was two weeks ago. I went and swam today. I swam 2200 yards. Only 300 of that 2200 was with a kick board. The other 1900 yards was freestyle, sometimes with a pull buoy ( for those of you who might not know what a pull buoy is it is a thing you put between your legs that causes your legs to rise (float) to the surface, so you learn how your body should be lined up. While using this you don't kick and you are only pulling with your arms.), but mostly without a pull buoy. I was swimming in sets of 100 and I am proud to say that in every set of 100's I did at least 2 flip turns. Again, they weren't all pretty, but I was doing it. Only a couple times did I lose my breath, only a couple times did I misjudge and turn too soon and there was no wall there for me to kick, but what amazed me is that I kept going in all the situations. I kept going. I kept swimming and then the most amazing thing happened. . .

Two of my friends were in the next lane over from me. We swim together in my master's swim class. They know I have been trying and trying to learn these flip turns. They stopped me and said, "Hey, Melissa, Nice flip turns. You are so fluid in the motion and so fluid in the water. GREAT JOB!" I thanked them and swam away. I wanted to laugh. When I am swimming I feel anything, but fluid. This all seems so hard and foreign to me still, but they were watching me, they saw me, and they saw that I was fluid in the water. Me, former fat girl, who used to doggy paddle and never put her face in the water. I am fluid in the water. Wow, who would have thought?

Inspiration

Today someone told me, "Thanks for all your inspiration."

I was told this week by someone who has done an Ironman that I inspire them. They look at my status on facebook before leaving for work everyday and when they are laying in bed not wanting to go to the gym they think of me and get their butt out of bed and go. This is an Ironman people. That's who I look up to for my inspiration.

I've been told that because of me someone is parking their car farther away in the parking lot at work.

Someone else is taking the stairs at work instead of the elevator because of me.

I have been emailed that someone did a 1/2 marathon and they thanked me for my encouragement.

I have had several people tell me that they did their first triathlons because of me sharing my journey.

I had someone tell me just this week that they appreciate my honesty in sharing my story on my blog and facebook. They love how I share the good days and the bad. They love how open and real I am with it.

A professional triathlete named Mike Lovato, who won Ironman Arizona in 2006, told me that I inspire him to keep doing what he is doing.

I have people coming from all over the country in 2012 either to cheer me on at Ironman Wisconsin or to do the race with me.

A couple at church let me know they started Weight Watchers.

Someone at the gym came up to me and told me that I have been an inspiration to her from afar. She has watched me from a distance for months now and barely recognized me.

I am told on a regular basis that I am an inspiration.

I do not tell you all this to get a pat on the back. I tell you this because I am constantly amazed at the feedback I am getting from so many people on how my journey is helping them. Me, just a mom from the midwest, making a difference in so many people's lives. It's amazing and exciting, but I have not always felt that way.

When people first started telling me that I was an inspiration I did not like it. I did not want that responsibility. I didn't want to let anyone down. It was out of my control. I could not control who I was inspiring. I wanted to share my story to help others and it started to, so why was I fighting it? I realized as time went on that I was fighting it because first of all, I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't like that I could inspire to change and what would happen then if they gained it all back? What would happen if I gained it all back? It was the old 306 pounds Melissa, full of doubt and low self confidence. I was told to embrace the people and the concept of inspiring others. I wasn't ready, but I am ready now.

If other people read my blog or my facebook and want to change their lives I embrace that and I will do whatever they need me to, to help them succeed. When people are calling me, texting me, or emailing me asking for encouragement I embrace it. I am changing everyday and I am on an incredible journey that I have no idea where it will take me or how I will use it to help others, but it already has started helping others and will continue to do so and I am so ready to not only help myself, but to help others as well.

Here is what dictionary.com says about inspiration:

in·spi·ra·tion (ĭn'spə-rā'shən)
n.

1. Stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity.

2. An agency, such as a person or work of art, that moves the intellect or emotions or prompts action or invention.

I love in the second definition that it says, "An agency that prompts action." I hope that my journey will not only encourage you, but will also prompt action in your life. I am here for you in whatever way you need me. I know that one of my gifts from God is encouragement and if you ever need any I've got a lot to give. I'm just a click, phone call, or text away. You can do it.

People ask me who is my inspiration, to keep going in my journey? I must say that my number one inspiration of all time is my mom. She was a woman who was full of life, loved helping others especially kids. She taught preschool, taught kids at church, women's bible studies. Wherever my mom went she touched lives. The only person my mom didn't take care of was herself. She became obese and died at the age of 53. My mom has taught me and inspired me to always put others first. She is the reason I love kids and working with kids. I am a lot like my mom and she has inspired me in so many parts of my life, but the one thing that her dying young, has inspired me to do, is to take care of myself. I refuse to die at the age of 53. My mom was my best friend and my biggest inspiration. We heard stories after my mom died of how she touched everyone's lives. I don't even think we will know the full extent until we get to heaven.

Like my mom I want to touch lives every day. I want to help others on their journey. I want to be an encouragement to everyone I come across. If my honesty on my blog and facebook can help then I will continue to blog and facebook. If me getting out there and doing 5K's and triathlons will help then I'll keep doing them. Like my mom always helped others I am ready and embrace the opportunity to help others in their journeys to better health through weight loss.

I love that I have inspired you all and hope that you area reaching your goals. I am here for you. Please keep the notes, comments, texts coming. I'll do what I can and then someday you'll pay it forward and help and inspire someone else. Please let me know what you are doing. I love hearing from you.

BE INSPIRED, BUT ALSO INSPIRE.

*UPDATE*
Someone wrote a comment and said that his little girls are his inspiration. That gave me an idea. Please comment below and let me know who your inspiration is in your life. It doesn't have to be me. ;-)

Also, I am working on my top ten list of people that inspire me. I will post soon.

BIG goggle vs. SMALL goggles and how I overcame

Sometimes we do things a certain way in life just because that is the way we have always done it. It's comfortable. It works. Why try a new way when we are fine with how we've always done it? This fact reminds me of a story.

There was a lady who would always cut off the ends of her ham before putting it into the pan. Her daughter, ovvserving this, asked her why she did this. Her mom answered, "because that is how your grandma does it." She went to her grandma and asked her. She answered, 'because that's how your great grandma always did it." She went and asked her great grandma and she answered, "I do it that way because my pan is too small and to get it to fit I need to cut off the ends."

There was a logical reason in the beginning for the ends of the ham to be cut off, but as the years went by and pans got bigger there was no reason to continue to cut off the ends of the ham. It's just what this family knew, what was comfortable for them, what was done, no questions asked.



Recently, someone asked me why I use the Big Aqua Sphere goggles when I swim. The answer was easy, "because I'm claustrophobic in the water and I've always swam with BIG goggles. That's how I'm comfortable in the water." That was an answer I have given several times. That's just how it is. I've been wearing BIG goggles for pretty much my whole triathlon career. That's 3 years. There is no reason for me to change now. I don't want to take a chance and mess things up, afterll, I have come so far in the pool and with my swimming. Why would I chance it, right? I'm good and anyway, I'm claustrophobic in the water, or am I?

Last week I couldn't find my BIG goggles. I always put them inthe same gym bag pocket. They were not there. I realized I had left my swim class in a hurry to get home and left them on the bench in the locer room, so before my next class I checked both lost and founds and found nothing. I was starting to worry. What would I do? How would I swim without my BIG goggles?

I always keep a spare pair of goggles in my gym bag. They are a very SMALL, tinted, not clear and BIG, and remember, I'm claustrophobic in the water. WIth no BIG, clear, goggles in sight I put on my SMALL, tinted, goggles. I did this with some hesitation and with some anxiety. I went under the water and because of the tint it was a lot darker under there then usual. I went under a second time and pushed off the wall and was on my way.



I was as strong as ever. I was doing it. With no more anxiety in sight I was on my way. I wanted to finish 500 yards before my swim coach arrived. I was almost done when she came to the edge of the pool and got my attention. She said, "Hey, Melissa, Val found your goggles in the locker room on Monday. She'll be bringing them today!" I was so excited that my goggles had been found. I swam away, still wearing my SMALL goggles and finished my last 100 yards. I was very happy about my BIG goggles being found, but as I finished that last 100 yards I started to wonder, did I need my BIG goggles anymore?

At my largest I was 306 pounds. I've always done things a certain way. I realized I have gotten pretty comfortable with how I have done things. Afterall, that's how I do things. Why change? It's been working for 3 years for me. I didn't need to change. Maybe I didn't want to change. If you change you have to step up and accept new challenges. Was I ready for new challenges or did I just want to keep doing things that way I had done them up until now. I didn't know. It was a lot to think about.

Val came in with my BIG goggles. I quickly changed goggles and swam another 50 and realized that I did not like how they felt anymore. I put my SMALL goggles back on and finished my workout. What was happening? I've always been claustrophobic in the water. I've always needed BIG,clear, goggles. That is who I have always been as a swimmer. I was scared, I was nervous. What did this mean? How would this change me. As I swam 2550 yards that day in my SMALL, tinted, goggles something changed in me in a BIG way.

I have swam a couple times since this day. I have my BIG goggles on the side of the pool and swim with my SMALL goggles on. I want to keep those goggles in sight while I swim. To me my BIG goggles signify me when I was 306 pounds. When I was less confident, scared, and anxious. I will always be grateful to those goggles for helping me get over the fear of putting my face in the water. I did my first flip turn in those goggles. I swam 1000 yards without stopping in those goggles, but now I am a new person. I have lost 70 pounds. I have a new excitement in my training, in my being, in who I am becoming. I do not need to cling onto the old me. I do not need to do things JUST BECAUSE that's how I've always done them. That is not me anymore. Coach Bob, keeps telling me I'm a new athlete and today in the pool I am more than ever. I have retired my BIG goggles, but I will never forget them. I will never forget who I was, but I will never go back there. I have retired the old me and am excited about who I am today and who I am becoming. Will there be hard days in the pool? Yes. Will I have hard days with my training? Yes. Will I have hard days with my eating? Yes. However, this time I will react differently. I will not let those hard days get me down. I will never look at life through BIG goggles again. I look forward to and welcome challenges and look forward to the outcome.

Watch out world. I'm on my way.

WEIGHT WATCHERS UDATE

I LOST 9 pounds this past week.

My total weight loss to date is 70.8 pounds.

I now weigh 235 pounds. I went from the 240's to the 230's this week.

My goal this week was to hit 65 pounds lost and I hit 70. Wahoooo!!

My first weight loss goal is to hit 130 pounds lost, so with this weigh in this week I have hit over half way to my first goal of 130 lost.

Wahhhhooooooo!! I'm so excited. Thanks everyone for your constant support and encouragement. You are all the best and I couldn't do this without you.

I can do ANYTHING now!!

Wow, exciting times are happening. I have had a lot happen in the last few days. It’s exciting. I’m like a kid at Christmas and considering it’s December already I guess that’s an appropriate analogy.

Something has just switched on in my brain. I’ve gone from someone who never thought I deserved happiness to someone who knows I deserve it. I’ve gone from someone who constantly was saying, “I can’t” to someone who says, “Bring it on.” I was the person who used to say, “Who me?” Now I say, “Why not me?” I can do whatever I set my mind to and no one or anything is going to stop me.

This change has been in the process of happening for sometime now, but really started taking root on November 22, 2009. That day I was volunteering at Ironman Arizona and while working the finish line I got to witness a part of history being made. I watched Rudy Garcia cross the finish line. He is a double amputee above the knee. He is about 23 years old and finishing an Ironman has been a goal of his. He tried in October in Hawaii, but did not make the bike cutoff. He was determined just a month later to finish in Arizona and he did. He is the first double amputee above the knee to reach this goal. I got to see him cross the finish line. I got to hear him interviewed after crossing the finish line. I got to shake his hand as he made his way through the finish line area (see above picture). I got to look him in the eye and tell him that he inspires me and many others. He said, “thanks.” Really, though, it should be me thanking him. That was the start of my change. That was the moment in time that I will remember for years to come.

Here is a young man who had every reason to stay at home and feel sorry for himself. What did he do to deserve not having legs? Why him? What’s the point in going on? The point is for moments like these. An overweight woman with big dreams, dreams of finally becoming healthy and fit and completing an Ironman seeing a young man with no legs reaching his goals. I’m sure that Rudy had people tell him he is crazy. I’m sure people told him he couldn’t do what he wanted to accomplish, but he didn’t listen and he has reached goal after goal including an Ironman finish.

I was almost 300 pounds when I first told people that I would be completing an Ironman by the time I turned 40. People thought and some still think that I am crazy. There will always be those critics. I could have just stayed almost 300 pounds and not cared. I have been dealt some tough cards in my life and I could have used those as my excuses for not reaching my goals, but like Rudy, I will overcome those obstacles and reach my goals. If Rudy, who doesn’t have any legs, can finish an Ironman and reach his goals, then what is stopping me?

When I started this journey I was 306.2 pounds. Today I am 238 pounds. I do not even know the last time I was in the 230’s. I am doing it. My dreams are no longer dreams they are my reality. I am living again. I am happy again. I have noticed in the last couple months and especially today I walk a little taller, a little prouder. I walk with my head held high. I do not hunch my shoulders anymore. I noticed that I walk with confidence. It has been a long time since I have been able to to that. I am proud of who I am and what I am becoming.

This past weekend was a real breakthrough for me. I worked out with my Coach, Bob, on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday, he really pushed me in the pool. As you all know the pool and I do not always get along. I was nervous, but I pushed through and had a great swim. I mean there was points where Bob was bumping my feet, making me do flip turns, and some crazy drills, that will help me prepare for triathlon swims. I was tired, I was nervous, but most importantly I was doing it. Just a few months ago I was still having trouble putting my face in the water, but now I am doing it. I am a new person and a new athlete. It’s amazing. I’m not even the same person.

Sunday he invited me to do a computrainer workout on my bike with him at a bike shop nearby. That’s where your bike gets put on a trainer and makes your bike like a stationary bike. The computer than makes the ride harder and easier as if you were riding outside. I was nervous. There would be people there I didn’t know. Would I be the biggest one in the class? What would people think of my bike? Could I keep up? It was a new type of workout. Would I be able to do it? Would I talk myself out of going? Should I even think that I could do it? I told Bob I was nervous, but I was going to come. I even called Darlene on the way there and told her that I was getting more and more nervous the closer I got to the store. I was running late and even called the store hoping that Bob would say I was too late and that I would have to come another time. Guess what? I wasn’t too late. He told me it was fine and to just keep heading his way. I had no more excuses.

I got there, got my bike set up, and got underway. This was one of the hardest workouts I had ever done. It was supposed to be a 90 minute workout, but Bob told me I would probably make it to an hour and that was ok. When I got to the hour mark I pushed on and finished the whole 90 minutes. Bob was really proud of how I did and I remember him saying something to the affect of, “You just put your big girl pants on.” I came away from that workout a different person. I had turned a corner in my training and in my thoughts. I now knew that I could do anything, ANYTHING, that I put my mind too. Just like Rudy Garcia put his mind to finishing Ironman Arizona, I will be able to reach my goals because now I know I can.

I have so much more that I want to write about. So much more that is just bubbling over, but I will save that for another day. Good Night.

Control

So I have been told that I need to not worry about those things or situations that I can't control.
I have complained to friends about certain situations and they have asked me, "Melissa, what can you do about it?" I answered, "Nothing." So they encouraged me not to worry about it.

It's the same with certain people in my life. I can't change them. I can't control what they say or do, so I have been working on not worrying about those people as well.

The problem I have with this is that the things in my life that I have no control over have controlled my life. When I was a child and things happened to me, or people did certain things, I couldn't control them, but they have molded me into who I am today. I was a kid. I had no choice in things that happened. They happened. They are part of my history, so what am I going to do about that today?

Put them behind me. That is what I am going to do. My past is just that, my past. I can't change what has happened in my life, but I can move on and change how I will respond and react to things in the future. I have held on to my past and my circumstances in my life and let them define me for too long. I have been great my whole life at just shoving my feelings down and am done doing that.

The one thing that I can control in my life is me. I can control how I react to situations. I can control what I do with my day. I need to be done relying on other people. It is great to have people in my life, but I have to realize that in the end the only person that is going to be there day after day is me, so I need to work on myself and taking care of myself and when things come along that I cannot control I will be strong enough to handle them and not let me get sidetracked as I have been in the past. If I can't control it, I"m not going to let it control me.

As you all know I will be doing Ironman Wisconsin in 2012. I was thinking about the whole control thing and racing. In a race whether it is a sprint distance triathlon or an Ironman you cannot control what happens to you. You can plan for your race down to every detail, but you toe the starting line and anything can happen. You can get sick, get a flat tire, twist your ankle, anything. How you react to it will make all the difference. If you let what happens to you on race day side rail you, you will never reach your goal, the finish line. If you let what happens to you in life side rail you, you will not reach your goals.

Today I am choosing to take back control of my life. I am choosing not to let others control what happens to me. My past is my past, but today starts the rest of my life. I am excited about things that are happening in my life. I am the happiest I have been in the longest time. I am a new person and I look forward with anticipation what my future holds.

ATTITUDE

ATTITUDE
by: Charles Swindoll

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.

My wonderful Hubby

About a month ago I threw this crazy idea out to Keith. Here is how the conversation went.:

Me: Honey, now I want to throw an idea out and please don’t dismiss it right away. Remember I mentioned I would love to go to Ironman Arizona this year. Well, it’s coming up. I was wondering if there is anyway I could possibly go? I have a friend doing it. I have a place lined up to stay and a friend says I can use his car the whole time I am there, so I will not need a hotel or a rental care and you have always said that you have a bazillion frequent flyer miles and you won’t have to get me anything for Christmas. So, (Pause), what do you think? (Crossing fingers behind back and praying). I know there are some things that we’ve wanted to get done around the house and I will do those before I leave.

Keith: I’m open to it. But if my miles won’t work and they are going to charge us to use my miles the answer is no.

Me: That’s fine. I’m just excited you would even consider it.

Keith: Remember not getting too excited. So, when is it.?

Me: The race is November 22 and Well, my friend Andy is doing the race and having a party on Friday night that I would like to go to and meet up with all my blogger friends (who I have come to conclusion are, for the most part, not my blogger friends anymore, but rather my facebook friends. HAHA), then the race is on Sunday and I will be volunteering at the finish line until Midnight, so however you want to schedule that would be fine and if I have to miss the party that’s ok too.

Keith: Let me see what I can do? (leaves for awhile, comes back.) Ok, how about leave on Thursday, November 19th and fly home the 24th?

Me: Um, Yeah, that’s great!! (Inside I was screaming WAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!! )

Keith: Ok, I’m hitting submit.

Me: OK (Inside I was screaming. EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeee!!!!)

Keith: Stay focused now, you have a lot of work to do between now and November 19th.

Me: Thank you (Screaming on the inside again and a little bit on the outside). Grabbed my phone and started calling and texting all my triathlon friends, grabbed my computer to face book, texted people and was like a little kid the whole night. I didn’t sleep much that night.


So today is November 19th and I’m on the plane heading to Denver for a layover and then on to Phoenix.

One thing that I have realized over the last few weeks is how much I take my dear, sweet, loving husband for granted. He works so hard for our family and I respect and love him so much for that. I don’t tell him enough.

Lately, I have had my focus on getting healthy and triathloning that I have let other things slide. I have never been one to have much balance in my life. I go at things all out and in the process let other things slide. I am getting better at the balance thing, but it is a process in my life just like everything else I have been dealing with lately (weight loss, counseling, etc.).

I have the most patient husband while I figure this all out. I know that he has been frustrated lately with it all and the fact that he has been frustrated and also supportive of this trip is just AMAZING to me. I don’t know if any other husband would be as supportive as mine. He is so supportive and yet there are times I look right past it and get frustrated with him. Not cool. Today as I’m flying out to Phoenix I am realizing just how incredible this man is. I mean I know he is incredible, supportive, loving, patient, the best dad ever, and my biggest cheerleader, but lately, with our busy lives, I have not been as appreciative as I should be.

Keith, I know I frustrate you sometimes, but no matter what you love me unconditionally NO MATTER WHAT. That’s huge. You are patient with me. You stand by my side, and you know that I am trying and you have been encouraging me to keep trying and to keep getting better in this area. Thank you for your unconditional love, your patience, your kindness, your thoughtfulness, and for being my biggest cheerleader.

As most of you know I have trouble flying due to my claustrophobia. I have figured out my triggers on planes and it has been a long time since I’ve had a panic attack on a plane. I realized this morning after looking at my boarding passes that all my seats were in the back of the plane and not aisle seats. I have figured out that I need to be towards the front of the plane. If I am towards the back and have to look forward at everyone in the plane it becomes a problem. I usually use a mask to black out the light and my IPOD to block out the noise. I had my mask, but have lost my IPOD. I started panicking at home and in the car on the way to the airport. Keith was so sweet. He told me not to think about it until I had to or I would have a bad flight because I was working myself up.

He told me to tell him about my trip. I told him all about the hike I was taking, who I was meeting, my blogger meet ups, the party, where I was volunteering, and it worked I quit worrying about my flight and was enjoying myself. He called me while I was at the airport to check in with me. I was able to change my seat and move closer to the front of the plane and got an aisle seat. I called him from the plane and got some more reassurance from him. My flight so far has been uneventful. Again, my wonderful husband came through for me. He had a meeting to get to and could have told me he couldn’t talk or just not take my call, but he didn’t. He helped me through it and it was wonderful. Thanks Keith for helping me through my hard time this morning and helping me relax for my flight. You’re the BEST!!

There is a little TV in the back of the seat in front of me and I have the map channel on and there is a little plane flying across the country. We are about to cross over into Colorado. Yay!! I have almost a 4 hour layover in Denver. I get to see my brother Karl, my sis-n-law, Sara and most importantly my 3 year old nephew,Luke. They used to live 4 doors down from us and just moved to Colorado, so it will be good to see them. I can’t wait.

Well, I will be blogging through out my trip, so make sure to keep checking back. Until then, Have a great weekend coming up. Thanks everyone for your love and support during this crazy journey I am on. I love and appreciate you all.

My friend in pain

Remember I wrote a few times about a friend of mine that is in pain.

I haven't heard from him in a loooong time.

But I just talked to someone that knows him and he got more bad news.

I'm so mad for him. I'm sad for him. I want to yell. I want to cry. When she told me the news I just felt my chest tighten up.

It just seems my friend cannot catch a break AT ALL and I'm sad and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I love to help others. I love to help them solve problems. I want everything to be ok and everyone to be ok. I don't know if that is going to be the case this time.

All I can do is sit back, pray, and wait for my friend to reach out to me. I'm here for you. I care about you. I'm hurting with you. If you need me I'm here.

BIG HUG

WW update

I lost point 4 this week
bringing my grand total up to 64 pounds lost. :)

I will be leaving on Thursday to head to Arizona to cheer on a friend at Ironman Arizona and volunteer at the race. I will also be meeting a lot of blogger friends that I have never met in person.

I found a Weight Watchers meeting on Friday at 10am that I can go to. I really wanted to be with my friends at my Weight Watchers meeting when I finally hit my 65 pounds lost because that is half way to my goal of 130 pounds lost. I am excited to go to another meeting in another state though. Maybe my story and journey can encourage someone in Arizona to keep going.

I will let you know how it goes.

Every work out can't be good, can it?

In high school I had a near drowning incident when I was on a trip with my youth group.
We headed to the Indiana Dunes to hang out with several other youth groups.
The Dunes are beautiful beaches that are along Lake Michigan.
We were there hanging out for the day and playing at the beach.
There was a sand bar way out in the lake. A bunch of us swam out there with a volleyball and decided it was a great place to play a game of water polo. We were all very competitive and I always was proud of myself that I could keep up with the guys. This day was no exception. I grabbed the ball and was about to make my move when I let go of the ball. Two guys, one a teenager, one a leader went after the ball. What they didn't realize is that I was underneath them. When they went for the ball I got pushed under the water. They were wrestling for the ball and I was trying to get up. I remember being on my back looking up and just seeing a stomach in my face. I was swallowing water and punching the guys stomach. It was very scary and I remember thinking this was it. Finally, someone pulled me up. I remember nothing else. It may have only been seconds, but it felt like a long time and it is something that has stuck with me for the rest of my life.

I still swam after that, but never with my face in the water. That's why when I realize just how far I've come with swimming I am amazed. I started a Masters Swim class this fall. It's been almost 12 weeks. The first class I had some panic type moments, hyperventilating, and shed some tears. I didn't think I could ever do it, but I did and I am doing it. On my own I have been practicing flip turns. That is where you get to the wall and to keep going you do a somersault and kick off the wall. I have a hard time with the breathing aspect of it. A few weeks ago my swimming coach had us doing them in our class and it was hard, but I was really proud of myself because I was doing it. There was one point where I did it and ran out of breath while I was way under water. I could not get up fast enough, when I surfaced I could not breathe and was a little bit disorientated. I'm not really sure what I did, but the next thing I know the lifeguard was at my side of the pool asking me if I was ok. I was and even did a few more flip turns in that work out, but I was a little, no a lot more, nervous than I had ever been before. I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe and it brings up a lot of the same feelings that day I was under the water not sure if I was going to be ok.

Yesterday, I had my swim class again. We had another flip turn drill. I hadn't practiced them since the last class we did them. I would get to the wall yesterday and just freeze. I would do my somersault and then just come straight up and not push off the wall. It was a total mental block for me. I was just having visions of the stomach in my face and me not being able to breathe. It was hard. I wanted to go home. I didn't like the feelings I was having. I wanted to do this, but just couldn't overcome the fear and feelings of panic. Even with these feelings I kept trying. I did a couple, but would pop up right away. My coach was giving me advice saying I was too close to the wall and that I needed to take a breath farther back and then go into the turn. I just can't do it. I know I will run out of breath. I know I will panic. Just writing about all of this has my heart racing.

This affected the rest of my workout. After this we did some sprint work and I was so out of breath. Having trouble, not at all wanting to be there. I told my coach I was going home. That was it. I couldn't deal with it anymore. I just didn't want to face it at all. She basically told me I would never forgive myself if I went home in the middle of a work out. She told me to just take my time, regroup, do what I needed to do, but to finish my work out. My friend Bill asked me how I was doing. Told him I wanted to go home. He told me I could do it and that it is just one work out out of how many that were yet to come? He told me I could do it and he was very encouraging. I looked at him and said, "Every work out can't be good, can it? He said no and swam away.

I don't like what happened. I don't like that I had some panic mixed with tears yesterday. I don't like that I almost quit. I don't like any of it, but what I like is that I was able to regroup, focus, and do what I needed to do to finish my work out. I do not know how long it will take to get over this fear that stems from my high school incident, but I am slowly doing it. I am doing flip turns. I am putting my face in the water. I am swimming more than I ever realized I could. I am going to succeed and I am not going to let my mind games win. I am a new athlete that has overcome so much already and will overcome this as well. I have a ton of work outs left in my life. I will have great work outs, I will have not so great work outs. What is important is that I keep working out. I will never quit and I will never be that person I used to be.

P.S. I have a question for all you triathlon types out there. If there is no flip turns in Ironman why do I even need to learn and do them? I know it will build up my speed and yardage, but just wondering are they really necessary?

My One Year Anniversary

November 8, 2008 I decided to do something about my obesity. I decided I could no longer do it on my own. I needed help and I needed to stop making excuses and just get my butt in gear and get healthy once and for all. I had watched my mom become overweight and watched her die young at the age of 53. She was overweight when she got sick and still overweight when she died.

You would think that would have been my wake up call. That would be what would have done it. My mom made me promise, on her death bed, that I would do something about my weight. She made me promise that I would not die young like she did. She begged me to get healthy, so that I would not face the same fate that she did. Well, this coming Christmas 2009 will mark 13 years since my mom's passing.

I have yo-yoed up and down year after year. I have had kids. I have gone to a fitness camp and I have been on Weight Watchers since 2003. Nothing worked because mentally I was not dealing with the WHY's of why I eat. Over the last 13 years I have gained 100 pounds if not more. At my highest I was 306 pounds. 306. That was a depressing day for me at Weight Watchers to step on that scale and see that I had reached over 300 pounds. If you would have asked me years ago if that would ever happen I would have told you NO WAY, but it has, it has.

I wish I could remember what it was that made it all clear to me on November 8, 2008, but something clicked with me. This was it I had to get healthy. The rate I was going I was on my way to the same fate as my Mom, an early death. Maybe it had something to do with not being able to do any triathlons due to a leg injury, maybe it had something to do with being tired all the time, maybe God knew I was ready to deal with it all. Whatever, the reason I made the decision to hire a coach and get going.

November 8, 2008 was a scary day for me.I was starting my journey at 297.5 pounds. I had lost 8 pounds the couple weeks before starting with my coach. Walking into that Work out studio was horrible, talking to my new coach Matt, was horrible. I just remember him saying the first few times we met, "That's an excuse, what's the real reason." "Knock off the excuses and tell me the truth." "You are so full of excuses." It was the first time that I realized in my whole life just how easy it had become to make excuses for my bad habits. I was able to justify everything and have an excuse for everything. It was a real turning point for me. I was no longer making excuses I was doing. I was being truthful with myself for the first time and I tell you the truth hurt, but as the old saying goes, The truth will set you free. I was on my way. The first few months were still very hard, but I was able to work through them and really start to be on my way.

I started my journey with my coach Matt, but as time went on and some things changed in my life, I changed coaches. Now I have a coach named Bob. I started meeting with him on August 8, 2009. Before meeting with Bob I was doing really well with my weight loss. I was starting to see major losses at the weight watchers scale. Before I knew it was up to 40 pounds lost, and on my way to 50 pounds lost. I was realizing that I was doing it and wanted it to be for real this time and not like before. I had lost 40 pounds before, but I had also gained it back and then some. What was going to make this time different? How would I do it for real? I had to face some pretty tough things in my life. What was different this time is that I was ready to face the mental aspects of my weight loss journey, which I was never ready to do. I needed to know WHY I gained over 100 pounds. Why did I turn to food when I was down? Why was food my comfort? This past summer I started exploring those questions. What I realized through all of this soul searching is that the main issue, among many, was my Mom's death. It has been almost 13 years and I hadn't dealt with her death. I got really good at telling people that I was ok and shoving it down. I got really good at looking good on the outside, but dying on the inside.

I have since started counseling. The first day I met with my counselor he said, "In a nutshell tell me why you are here? Why do you need counseling?" Here is what my answer was, "I REFUSE to ever be 306 pounds AGAIN!" We are now working on the issues that caused me to gain weight, so I will never be that way again and although the process hurts I am the happiest I have been in a long time and I can say that I will NEVER be that 306 pound person again.

November 8, 2009 was my 1 year anniversary of starting my weight loss journey for the last time. I am happy to say that in that time I have lost 63.6 pounds. I have gained great strides in my mental journey and the most exciting part of it all is I am able to help people get going on their journeys. I couldn't ask for anything else. I am getting healthy, I am happy, I am looking forward to what lies ahead. Whatever it is I know that I can do it. I'm realistic I know there will be tough days, I may turn to food in a tough time, I may not choose to get out of bed and get to the pool before the sun rises, but I will overcome those days and little by little there will be fewer and fewer of them. November 8, 2009 also is the one year anniversary of not missing a weigh in at Weight Watchers, so between my coaches, my weight watchers, and my getting counseling this is all coming together and I am very happy.

I am a new person and I am a new athlete and everything and I'm loving every minute of my journey. Those of you who know me are probably sick of me always talking about Ironman and about my Ironman in 2012, but maybe now you can understand my excitement a little better. Ironman Wisconsin 2012 will signify so much more to me than just doing a hard race. It will signify all that I have overcome both mentally and physically to get to the starting line and when I cross that finish line and hear them say, "MELISSA BLACK YOU ARE AN IRONMAN" it will signify all that I have become in life and all that I can and will be able to do. It is much more than just a race, it is my life.

WW UPDATE

Lost 4.2
Making my total 63.6
Starting Weight: 306.2
Current Weight: 242.6

I am so proud of myself.
Goal for next week: lose 1.4 pounds to reach 65 lost, which is half way to my first goal, which is 130 pounds lost.

Remember whatever you want to do just set some goals and do it. YOU CAN DO IT!! I'm living proof of it.