Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day or is it?

Today is always bitter sweet for me.
I am a motherless mother.
That has been something that has been hard for me to deal with.
It has been eleven years since my mom's passing, but there are days that it seems like we just got the call.

Every year it amazes me what sparks what.
This year Keith's Grandma is sick. She is 93. She is not doing well.
Right before mother's day this year as part of homework I had to write about a character that was a motherless daughter and how this affected her life. This made me look at my life and how being a motherless daughter and a motherless mother have affected my life. I cried hard in walmart this year shopping for mother's day cards and for Keith's grandma. It was hard.

Since my mom's passing I have had to reevaluate what family is. I have great family memebers, but some of them live out of state and cannot be as involved as they would like. Some family I haven't really heard from since my mom's passing, so I have come to the realization that I was trying to hold onto ideals just because that is how it is supposed to be, but I have realized that family is not just blood. My kids have adopted grandparents in the area. My bestfriend is their AUNT and my aunt who lives in California is more like my Mom. And we are very blessed to have my brother and his wife and their 2 year old just four doors down. I take mother's day to honor those females who are a part of my life and who make not having a mom just a little bit easier. Thanks.

I could just stay in bed all day and play the poor me card all day, but the Lord knew that wouldn't do and he blessed me with the most precious children. Tricia is 10 and Parker is 8. They love me so much and show me in so many different ways. They hug and kiss me all the time. They tell me thanks mom all the time and they make me smile all the time. They even tell me I'm the best cook even when I just heat up a pizza. :-) They are my world and I love the title of mom. Yes, mother's day is hard and I wish I could celebrate it with my mom, but I am the happiest mom around today because I have my own children.

So the title of this post is Happy Mother's Day or is it? I answer yes it is.

For those of you that have lost your mom's recently I am here for you and I am so sorry. It is not easy at any age to lose your mom.
For those of you who want to be a mom, but can't. I am here for you.
For those of you who have lost childern, I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart.

For those of you who have people in these positions here is some advice:

-don't say to the person who has lost their mom. "We'll at least you are a mom. That's gotta make mother's day easier." It does, but it doesn't take away our pain.
-For someone that has lost their mom don't say, "It's been eleven years, aren't things easier now?" Yes, they are, but there is always something that sparks a new feeling of sadness."
-If you know someone trying to get pregnant don't say, " You could always adopt." They already know that. They don't need to be reminded.
-If they lost a child don't say, "At least you have more at home." They cherish the ones they have at home, but that doesn't lessen the pain they are feeling about losing the one.
-Just tell them you are there for them and will listen whenever they need a friend. Truly listen to them. Let them talk, cry, and offer a lot of hugs. If you don't know what to say it's ok to say, "I don't know what to say, but I'm here for you." In fact that is the best thing you can say.

Happy Mother's day to all my favorite mother's out there.
and Happy Sunday to my friends who are not mom's yet, but who mean the world to me.
I love you all and could not do the things I do without you. You all mean the world to me and I wanted to take a moment today to tell you that. Love you. Smooches.

Thank you Tricia and Parker for making me a mom. I love you both so much and am so happy that I am your mom. It is a happy mother's day and I love being a mom.


Megan said...

Happy Mother's Day!

Darlene said...

Happy Mother's Day to one of my favorite mothers!

By the way, make sure you are writing your advice down for our book on what not to say to people in various circumstances.

P.S. Make sure you click on my name!