Monday, January 12, 2009

Emotional Stuff is HARD

Today I moved the sumo wrestler (see last post for reference). I got somewhere today. I have been having a few hard days and like I said in my last post I felt like the little sumo wrestler in the picture not getting anywhere. Today I got somewhere. Today things started looking up. I got an email I needed to get. I got a midterm test done that I needed to take, I made it to the gym, and I have everything almost lined up for student teaching to begin on Wednesday.

When you start to lose weight and get healthy you do what you need to do. You eat right, maybe hire a personal trainer, start working out, and things start to click. You're rolling along and then all the sudden BAM, you hit a wall. It has nothing to do with what you are eating. It has nothing to do with how much you are working out. It is the realization that you have a lot of emotional stuff that you haven't worked on in years. Why did I become fat? How did I become fat? What happened to me? I realized in the last few days about a lot of my shortcomings. These are things that I have not really dealt with head on. These last few days I have dealt with them. When you are fat you really get good at the excuses. You really get good at justifying things. Making excuses and justifying things are just nice ways of lying to yourself. I have been lying to myself about a lot of things in my life and it really hit me in the last few days. I did not like what I saw and already am making changes so I will never be that person again. Man, has it been hard. They do not tell you this when you sign up for Weight Watchers. They do not tell you this when you hire a personal trainer.

If you are on a weight loss journey please allow yourself time to personally reflect on what got you to where you are today. What has kept you overweight? Figure it out and then make a plan to keep yourself from going there. I'll give you one example. I realized just how much TV I was watching, which often led to overeating, not doing things I needed to do, and just being lazy. I realized that TIVO is a horrible invention for people like me. Before I had to make it a point to watch my show at 7pm. Now I can just TIVO as many shows as I want and watch them whenever. Not a good thing. I was telling my friend that I felt like deleting all my season passes on TIVO and she asked me this simple question, "Why don't you?" Well, I am proud to say that last night I called my husband while I was doing homework for school and asked him to delete all but two of my season passes. For those of you who know me, I even deleted my Dr. Phil season pass. This was a huge deal for me. It was hard. I know to some of you that it might not seem like a big deal, but I realized that TV was the cause of some of my other problems, so taking this step was the first step in my plan. You can do this too. Figure out something that is holding you back from whatever you want to do, whether it is weight loss or skydiving, and make a plan to get you there. It may take some soul searching, it may be painful in the process, but you can do it.

One thing that really helped me through all this is my relationship with Jesus Christ. I have dedicated this year to really growing in my faith with God. I have been a Christian since I was a small child, but I haven't truly relied on Him in a long time. I have put Christ at the center of my life now. I have been praying my way through all of this soul searching and giving everything to Him. I told him that I know that I could not do this without Him. I called out to Him the most yesterday asking for Him to help me. I have been focusing on Him all day and then received an email with the good news that I needed to hear. This is the first time in a long time that I have given my whole situation to Him and not worried about it and He heard me and answered my prayers. It's been amazing.

Another cool thing that I noticed the last few days is that I have really wanted to emotionally eat. I really was frustrated about something on Saturday, didn't make it to Weight Watchers and really didn't care at that point and was going to go to the nearest fast food place and get the worst thing on the menu. I tried calling a friend, so I wouldn't stop somewhere and she couldn't talk. I prayed and drove by the fast food place to a grocery store. I bought Sushi, pretzels, an apple, and headed to Caribou Coffee to do homework. I was very proud of myself for not giving into the emotional eating. I made it through the hardest days without emotionally eating. The Lord was really with me.

I need to get to bed. I have a busy day before me tomorrow as it is my last day before Student Teaching. YIPEEEEE!! Thanks for reading. This has all been swimming around in my head and I needed to get it out before going to bed. Thanks for all your support. Please feel free to comment on what you do to deal with all the emotional stuff during weight loss and what you do to help you not to emotionally eat. I would love to hear from you all. Good night!


Anonymous said...

Yo mommy, I am so glad I got to have the honor of being the first commentator. You are awesome. I emailed you with Audrey's blog address and I also wrote the post on emotional breakthroughs that you requested. No sure if you got the email, but I will email you tonight again with the sneak peak of the post. It was at your request anyway.

To move on now, a common theme in what I blog about and think about in my own mind is that food is a medication. We are learning how to live life without medication. When you stop taking your "pain" medicine, stuff starts to hurt again. We take so much of the medicine "food" that we forget how many things actually do hurt. Much of this is not told to us, we are not warned ahead of time, but there is good news ahead my friend. We are on a journey, and although it hurt these last couple of days, you made it without your medicine. Think on that victory for a moment. I am glad you shared. Everyone on the journey needs to hear that when you go through the fire without taking you medicine, you come out stronger than you ever were. Great job.

TV. This is another topic that I get flack for. Can you image, I had christmas with my 17 person family at my house this christmas. I don't have TV. There was no TV or movies or nothin. Think of that. You know what we did, we all talked. Grand kids, kids, brothers and sisters, divorced mom and dad, step mom who is more than 30 years younger than my dad and couple older than me, the rebels the shy, WE ALL TALKED. They didn't think they could do it but they all loved it in the end and the all loved each other more in the end to because they knew each other in more in the end. I applaud you for your TIVO decision. Not easy. I gave up TV after I met Jesus. Since then He has kept me content.

I cannot tell you how proud I am of you. No wonder you are having hard times. You are making some of the best and biggest and most important life changes a person can make. You are becoming a healthier person both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. To those that knock the door will be opened and girl, you are a knockin and God will open that door for you. To those who ask they shall receive. You are living the word.

Great job and sorry for the long long long comment.


Anna said...

Congratulations for doing what's best for you!!! Getting out the things in our lives that hold us back is the hardest thing to do. I KNOW that by your relying on Jesus Christ, that you are being divinely helped.

You'll find as you lose the layers of fat, there will be more to deal with. As you are finding out, weight is only the symptom of something deeper. Dealing with the problems we face head on is the only solution.

Best of luck to you! And again, congratulations!! It sounds to me like you are on your way to wholeness.

M said...

Hey M-
This was simply one of the best posts I have read in blogland for quite some time. It was honest, blunt, tough and yet sweet, all at the same time.

I am really proud of you for what you have been doing, and how strong you become each day. It is a true pleasure to watch you become the beautiful and confident person you deserve to be.

You are quite an inspiration to so many, especially me. Keep it up - we need you to lead the way!

Mommymeepa said...

wow guys thanks for the awesome comments. I know people tell me I inspire them, but I don't always feel it. Thanks for the encouragement.