Sunday, February 22, 2009

Interesting Day Yesterday

I had a very interesting day yesterday. I wish that I could have a redo.
I knew I had hit 30 pounds lost yesterday, so I was very excited to head to Weight Watchers and weigh in. It was a day to celebrate!!
I weighed myself right before going. I should have lost almost 1.5 pounds, but I got there and it said I lost .4
I lost it. I had a break down right there at my WW meeting. The lady that weighed me in kept telling me that I was heading in the right direction, that I had a loss, that I shouldn't be that upset. All of those things are true, but in Weight Watchers you set these little goals and one of the first goals that you set for yourself is 10% of your total weight. My starting weight in this journey was 306.2 so that makes 30 pounds my 10% goal. Now that has been a hard goal for me to reach. Some people at Weight Watchers have 30 pounds lost as their lifetime goal, but not me it's just my 10%. I knew that I had made it. I had worked hard this past week, so when I stepped on that scale and it said .4 it just hit me. I was at 29.6 pounds lost. I went into the bathroom and had myself a big 'ol cry and boy did it feel good. I just let it out. Then I washed my face and headed into the meeting. I just sat there and was determined to leave as soon as it was over and was not going to share, but then Kirk (my leader) did celebrations. There was someone there that reached her 10%, so I started crying even though I was happy for her. At the end of celebrations Kirk always asks us, "Is there anyone else that lost any in between amounts? .2, .4? " I raised my hand and let everyone know how upset I was, but that I lost .4 and that this is the first time that I could zip my winter coat. Everyone was so encouraging so I am glad I stayed and I talked to Kirk afterwards, so I left there feeling pretty good again, but wait there's more to the story. . .

After Weight Watchers every week for the last 4 weeks I stop at the gym and weigh in for a contest I'm in. They call it THE BIGGEST WINNER contest. We are in teams and you have to do challenges every week and then they post how your team is doing by percentage of weight loss. My team, the green team is in 3rd place out of 5. I go in there and weigh myself in and their scale matches my scale at home and it says I lost 1.2 pounds, so in 4 weeks of this contest I have lost 9 pounds total. However, this really ticked me off about WW again, so I decided what was the point and I ate like crap all day. My stomach still hurts this morning and have a feeling it will for the rest of the day. I didn't care and that is why I wish I could have a redo for yesterday. I'm so mad at myself and hate how I responded. Today is a new day and I will do better. I have come so far and to respond like this makes me realize that maybe I haven't come as far as I thought, which also has me down. Not this past week, but the week before I was hit with a lot of bad news and not once did I overeat, so I'm ticked that I let this side rail me.

I know all the right things to tell myself. I did have a loss. .4 lost is like 8 sticks of butter I think. I have to look where I've come from. Think of the positives. I worked out everyday last week. I can zip my winter coat. I am feeling better about myself. I am encouraging and inspiring others. I can run up the stairs at home without dying. I am eating fruits and veggies that I would have never tried before. I haven't had a soda in almost a year. I am not as stressed at home. I workout with a coach that is pushing me beyond what I could have ever imagined myself doing. I am starting to run. I get bummed when I have to miss a workout. I look in the mirror and am starting to like what I see. etc. etc. etc. But yesterday this list did not help and I am paying for it today.

I wasn't going to write about his on my blog because I am ashamed of my responses. I wasn't going to write about this because I didn't want you all thinking badly of me, but then I remembered why I write this blog. I write it for me. I love all of you that read it, but it's gotta be for me. I want to look back and see the good times and the bad. I want to know what caused the slip ups and what I did about it, so I am writing about it. It's not easy, but I am and I actually feel better about it already.

The thing that ticks me off the most about my whole day yesterday is that right before going to weigh in I gave my weigh-in to the Lord. I told Him that no matter what the scale said I was His and that I know He is in control. This is the first time that I prayed before a weigh in and the first time I had a break down. Starting in November is really the first time I have completely given my Weight loss journey completely to God and I believe that Satan doesn't like where my journey is taking me and yesterday I know that Satan had the victory. I lost that battle yesterday because I did not call out to the Lord in my distress, but will win the battle today. Thank you Lord for loving me unconditionally. I know that you are with me and that you will help me and that I will have VICTORY.

Yesterday I fell down, but today I am back up and will keep going. Here is a song that I listen to a lot while working out (it's one of my theme songs for my journey) and it is perfect for my day for yesterday. It's called GET UP by SUPERCHICK. I was trying to embed the video, but couldn't, so here are the lyrics.

Verse 1
I'm not afraid to fall
It means I climbed up high
To fall is not to fail
You fail when you don't try Not afraid to fall
I might just learn to fly
And I will spread these wings of mine

Chorus
c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
But we get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
But we'll just jump and see
Even if it's the 20th time
We'll just jump and see if we can fly

Verse 2
I'm not afraid to fall
And hear I told you so
Don't want to rock the boat
But I just had to know
Just a greener side
Or can I touch the sky
But either way I will have tried

Chorus
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
But we get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
But we'll just jump and see
Even if it's the 30th time
We'll just jump and see if we can fly

Verse 3
I'm not afraid to fall
I've fallen many times
They laughed when I fell down
But I have dared to climb
Not afraid to fall
I know I'll fall again
But I can win this in the end

Chorus
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
But we get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
I might fall back down again
But we'll just jump and see
Even if it's the 40th time
We'll just jump and see if we can fly

If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
But we get up anyway
If I get up I might fall back down again
So let's get up c'mon
If I get up I might fall back down again
I might fall back down again

5 comments:

Go Mom Go said...

Oh Melissa!

I don't know what to say. I understand though.

Praying for you!
Laura

run4change said...

you are doing great my friend and just to let you know I ate a mother load of crap both days this weekend and I am scared as heck to weigh. Afriad I may have gained back the three I lost in the lost two weeks. I will post about it later today.

Ken said...

Keep up the good work, you'll need all your strength to catch me when I collapse at the finish line in Madison.
Here's food for thought, imagine if you had never gone down this path. Yes it's a roller coaster, but life is an amazing adventure.

Kevin and Rachel Weyand said...

Thank you for your honesty...it is so refreshing-just like God to use his creation/sister in the Lord to inspire and encourage me. You keep up the fight, run the race that is set before you and finish strong girl! You are HIS...don't forget it, and thanks for reminding me also!
-Rachel

rebecca hallin said...

you just keep up the great work! i totally believe in WW I never been on it but I would support any one being on that program. I recently got an email from WW and they are looking for people who will train WW people to run a 5K. I would that opprtunity and belive with my knowledge and how I have trained myself I have a lot to offer others. I have only been running solid for almost 2 years I was never a runner! today I did 14 miles in 2 hr 26 min. I remember when I could not even finish a 5K about 2 yrs ago. So do not give up! have you ever read the book slow fat triathlete! I love the author it is a fun and inspiration book to read.