Tuesday, August 18, 2009

A lot going on

There has been a lot going on in my life.

The good news is that I will probably hit 50 pounds lost this Saturday at Weight Watchers.

The bad news is that with significant weight loss comes all the mental stuff that you have to deal with.

I will be starting to see a counselor next week to help me sort out a lot of this. I was not going to write about it, but I feel that I have kept so much in for years and that is part of the reason that I got to be 306 pounds. I never want to gain this weight back. I want to be free of all the issues that have caused me to gain weight throughout my life. I never have talked about different things because I was ashamed or I thought some people might judge me. I know that it is so much easier to say we are fine when people ask us how we are doing and just go on our way. It's easier to just shove things down and not talk about it. I actually thought I was fine for years after my sister died, I wasn't. I thought for years that I was fine after my mom died, I wasn't. A lot of these things and more have come to the surface in recent weeks and I realize that I am not fine. I have spent years helping others, making sure everyone else was fine, shoving things down, and now, it is time for me to get the help I need and to a little selfish. It's time for me to get the help I need.

I'm sharing this with you because I want you to know that it's ok to tell people you are not ok. It is ok to reach out and get the help that you need. If that means a pastor, a friend, or a counsler, then do it. It's time for you and me to take care of ourselves. I feel so good that I will be finally be taking care of these things. I have had people judge me when I have tried to reach out and those types of people will be out there, but don't let them get to you. There have been a few people that have judged me or gossiped about me and I let those people side rail me from the help I've needed because I thought all people would be like that.

Even though I have opened up on here please don't pressure me to talk about things. It was hard enough to pick up the phone and call the counselor. It was hard enough to write this. I don't want to suddenly feel like I have to talk to everyone about it, but know that I'm thankful in advance for your support during this trying time. I could not do this without all the support of my friends and family. I love you all.


M said...

That the genius of having your own blog - you can talk when you want, and go silent when you want. You know you have a ton of support out here when you need it.

fitncrafty said...

You courage amazes me! It is so hard to face these things that haunt us and we deal with them in such different ways.
I hope for you that you will find peace in your heart with these feelings you have now.
I am here if you need or want to chat!

Anonymous said...

You are back...so glad to see you posting again. Like M said, it is your blog, you write what you want - don't let us virtual bloggers hold you back. I love reading your blog, you are very courageous with what you write about, you are inspirational in talking about the journey you are on, and so honest. There are only a handful of blogs that I enjoy reading b/c of their openness and one of those is yours.

No pressure from me :)

Will I see you at IM WI this year? Are you volunteering again? I am not racing, but will be spectating the entire day - we've got 10+ friends doing it and they are all over the board with finishing times, so I am sure I'll be out and about from 5:30am - 12am.

Big Hugs from WI!

Siren said...

Love ya, babe. I'm so proud of you for taking such good care of YOU.

Darlene said...

That was a good entry Melissa. You are awesome. And, look at how much support you have here on this webpage. WOW. Lots of people love you and support you, so you know you CAN do it!