Wednesday, November 11, 2009
My One Year Anniversary
November 8, 2008 I decided to do something about my obesity. I decided I could no longer do it on my own. I needed help and I needed to stop making excuses and just get my butt in gear and get healthy once and for all. I had watched my mom become overweight and watched her die young at the age of 53. She was overweight when she got sick and still overweight when she died.
You would think that would have been my wake up call. That would be what would have done it. My mom made me promise, on her death bed, that I would do something about my weight. She made me promise that I would not die young like she did. She begged me to get healthy, so that I would not face the same fate that she did. Well, this coming Christmas 2009 will mark 13 years since my mom's passing.
I have yo-yoed up and down year after year. I have had kids. I have gone to a fitness camp and I have been on Weight Watchers since 2003. Nothing worked because mentally I was not dealing with the WHY's of why I eat. Over the last 13 years I have gained 100 pounds if not more. At my highest I was 306 pounds. 306. That was a depressing day for me at Weight Watchers to step on that scale and see that I had reached over 300 pounds. If you would have asked me years ago if that would ever happen I would have told you NO WAY, but it has, it has.
I wish I could remember what it was that made it all clear to me on November 8, 2008, but something clicked with me. This was it I had to get healthy. The rate I was going I was on my way to the same fate as my Mom, an early death. Maybe it had something to do with not being able to do any triathlons due to a leg injury, maybe it had something to do with being tired all the time, maybe God knew I was ready to deal with it all. Whatever, the reason I made the decision to hire a coach and get going.
November 8, 2008 was a scary day for me.I was starting my journey at 297.5 pounds. I had lost 8 pounds the couple weeks before starting with my coach. Walking into that Work out studio was horrible, talking to my new coach Matt, was horrible. I just remember him saying the first few times we met, "That's an excuse, what's the real reason." "Knock off the excuses and tell me the truth." "You are so full of excuses." It was the first time that I realized in my whole life just how easy it had become to make excuses for my bad habits. I was able to justify everything and have an excuse for everything. It was a real turning point for me. I was no longer making excuses I was doing. I was being truthful with myself for the first time and I tell you the truth hurt, but as the old saying goes, The truth will set you free. I was on my way. The first few months were still very hard, but I was able to work through them and really start to be on my way.
I started my journey with my coach Matt, but as time went on and some things changed in my life, I changed coaches. Now I have a coach named Bob. I started meeting with him on August 8, 2009. Before meeting with Bob I was doing really well with my weight loss. I was starting to see major losses at the weight watchers scale. Before I knew it was up to 40 pounds lost, and on my way to 50 pounds lost. I was realizing that I was doing it and wanted it to be for real this time and not like before. I had lost 40 pounds before, but I had also gained it back and then some. What was going to make this time different? How would I do it for real? I had to face some pretty tough things in my life. What was different this time is that I was ready to face the mental aspects of my weight loss journey, which I was never ready to do. I needed to know WHY I gained over 100 pounds. Why did I turn to food when I was down? Why was food my comfort? This past summer I started exploring those questions. What I realized through all of this soul searching is that the main issue, among many, was my Mom's death. It has been almost 13 years and I hadn't dealt with her death. I got really good at telling people that I was ok and shoving it down. I got really good at looking good on the outside, but dying on the inside.
I have since started counseling. The first day I met with my counselor he said, "In a nutshell tell me why you are here? Why do you need counseling?" Here is what my answer was, "I REFUSE to ever be 306 pounds AGAIN!" We are now working on the issues that caused me to gain weight, so I will never be that way again and although the process hurts I am the happiest I have been in a long time and I can say that I will NEVER be that 306 pound person again.
November 8, 2009 was my 1 year anniversary of starting my weight loss journey for the last time. I am happy to say that in that time I have lost 63.6 pounds. I have gained great strides in my mental journey and the most exciting part of it all is I am able to help people get going on their journeys. I couldn't ask for anything else. I am getting healthy, I am happy, I am looking forward to what lies ahead. Whatever it is I know that I can do it. I'm realistic I know there will be tough days, I may turn to food in a tough time, I may not choose to get out of bed and get to the pool before the sun rises, but I will overcome those days and little by little there will be fewer and fewer of them. November 8, 2009 also is the one year anniversary of not missing a weigh in at Weight Watchers, so between my coaches, my weight watchers, and my getting counseling this is all coming together and I am very happy.
I am a new person and I am a new athlete and everything and I'm loving every minute of my journey. Those of you who know me are probably sick of me always talking about Ironman and about my Ironman in 2012, but maybe now you can understand my excitement a little better. Ironman Wisconsin 2012 will signify so much more to me than just doing a hard race. It will signify all that I have overcome both mentally and physically to get to the starting line and when I cross that finish line and hear them say, "MELISSA BLACK YOU ARE AN IRONMAN" it will signify all that I have become in life and all that I can and will be able to do. It is much more than just a race, it is my life.