Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Love unconditionally without expectations

Today was a very interesting counseling session.
It was a hard one.
My counselor asked me what sounded like a simple question. Let's talk about our goals and where we want to go from here with our counseling sessions.
So, I pondered that and said I don't want to keep having expectations that are not met, and when they are not met it negatively affects my life and this mainly revolves around relationships in my life.

We began to discuss this and then he said something that stuck out. He said, "Melissa, Love unconditionally with no expectations and good things will begin to happen." I may not be quoting him directly.

If I just love people the way they come, have no conditions, have no expectations, just love 'em things beyond what I can even imagine will begin to happen. Sounds easy and at first I didn't think I really had conditions I was putting on people, but come to find out after a hard session I realized it was basically like I was saying, "I'll love you if A,B, and C happens." Now most of you that know me would probably think that last statement can't be true. I'm Melissa. I love and accept everyone. I do, but there are certain relationships where I felt like I had rights to these relationships, that I was owed certain things, that I deserved it.

My counselor said something else that stuck. He said not to let go of my longings. We all long to be loved. We all long great relationships and there is nothing wrong with that, but I need to make sure"I understand the longing, don't squish it, but realize where it is coming from and why I am longing for it."

I want to love unconditionally and not have unmet expectations side line me and hurt me anymore. Tonight I let go of all my expectations and will start loving everyone in my life unconditionally.

I also am going to work on being "crazy grateful" as James says. Sometimes I find myself only focusing on the negative and I need to start being "crazy grateful." When you are "crazy grateful, it will open your heart and warm your heart." My heart needed warming today and James helped me see how easy it really is.

So my advice for today. . . . .

"Love unconditionally without expectations because if you want something from someone you are not loving them unconditionally."

Start being "crazy grateful." You will see changes in your life.

James, even though I'm doodling in my notebook and not making eye contact during our sessions, I am listening. :-) Thanks.


Aunt Linda xoxo said...

I love you! James has wisdom. There is truth in what he said.

MadisonDuo said...


Great advice and never to be taken for granted.

I might be able to come down for Chrissie's event. The workshop I am supposed to facilitate on the 27th might be rescheduled :)

I'll keep you posted.

M said...

I love this statement:

"Understand the longing, don't squish it, but realize where it is coming from and why I am longing for it."

I think I really relate to it because lately I am finding myself asking myself this question - why am I doing this behavior? What am I trying to gain from it? Is this a need for love/attention/etc? What is it that right now I feel I am missing, and I am seeking?

While this is applicable within relatiosnhips, I also think about this a lot especially in terms of my blog and FB - like, I ask myself "why am i putting xyz out there? what is the feedback i am looking for?" this thought process has also coincided with being happy with where I am in life - I have realized I have started really limiting what I put out there because I am getting all I need from what is around me - rather than artificially seeking it out.

sorry for the ramble, but this is such a powerful concept to provoke insight. Very cool. Love it.

bro said...

this was awesome

bro karl said...

Oh, you have two bros, I should have said "bro karl"