Yesterday my coach and I were talking after we worked out. He let me know that I should be able to lose all the weight I want to lose by February of 2010. I'm very excited, but also I'm kind of freaking out. I guess I didn't think it would happen that soon. This is what I've always wanted. I still want it, but there are so many thoughts running through my head. Whether or not it is healthy I have been my current size for years and have gotten used to it. I have become pretty comfortable this way. I have become comfortable, but never happy. I am very happy these last few weeks. Hiring and meeting with Matt is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I think that I am scared of the unknown. Will I change when I become thinner? Will people treat me differently because I become thin? I don't want to change, but change is inevitable when you go from 300 pounds down to 175. I will change, but I like who I am now and don't want that to change. I don't want people to suddenly notice me and treat me differently because I am thinner. I have heard of that happening. I wonder why people have to be rude to people that are overweight. Why do girls in Jr. High and High School get made fun of and never asked out on dates just because they don't quite fit the world's mold? I was never that fat in High School, but all the kids thought I was. Kids were mean. I think that a lot of those feelings are surfacing while I think about all of this. I know that to get healthy and fit I am going to have to face some of this stuff that comes up. UGH!! Logically, I know that I will be fine, that I will be happy, that I will be free to do all the things that I haven't been able to do at this weight. I know all of these things intellectually, but still feel very freaked out. This is going to be a great journey and I look forward to working through all these feelings on the way to the finish line. After meeting with Matt I got in my car and cried trying to sort all of this out. I will do it and I'm very excited just pray for me. I appreciate it.
1 comment:
You will change, no doubt, but that change can be good.
Your self esteem is going to go through the roof, it's all up to you what you intend to do with that new "energy"...if you are true to yourself throughout it all, there is nothing to fear.
Can't wait to start seeing the transformation.
(How appropriate that the word verification for this one is "brave")
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