Thursday, April 29, 2010


So as you know I have decided to kick some butt this week, my own.
I have been doing it and my goal for the week is to get under 220 pounds.
I weighed myself this morning and I am under 220. I will not be posting my weight until after my official weigh in on Saturday. I want to see how far under 220 I can get.

I was 220 on my wedding day almost 16 years ago.
To know that it has been over 16 years since I have been below 220 is crazy.
I feel like crying, I feel like laughing, I feel like jumping up and down.
I am very close to 90 pounds lost. My son weighs 92 pounds, so I have almost lost a 5th grade boy. HAHA I love thinking of it that way.

My wonderful coach has said that this 220 has been a mental block for me. I now know he was right. I have memories of being 220 pounds. I have no memories of being thinner than that. I mean yes, I can remember stuff from my childhood, playing sports riding my bike, roller skating, but not truly remember what it was like to be thin because honestly I never saw myself as thin. I look at my wedding day pictures and remember being so embarrassed by how fat I was. I was beautiful and it is sad that that is how I felt on such a special day.

I got married young and all through Jr. High and High School I was made fun of for my size, but I look back now and I was not fat. I really wish that I did not believe what I was told. I really let that rule my life right into my marriage and my whole adult life. I am so happy I am getting my weight, and my mental health in order. I am really proud of myself.

I think that getting under 220 was hard because I have never seen myself as thinner than that. Now that I am under 220 there is no stopping me. I want to see just how far I can go in a healthy manner. I am claiming my life back. No one or nothing is going to get in my way. I just needed to get past 220 and I have. Next stop 206, which is 100 lost then on my way to under 200.

It feels great to be back.

As my friend Commodore says, "I am not going to just exist. I am going to live."

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