Wednesday, May 26, 2010

New day!! Yay!!

So the last few days a lot has been sloshing around in this noggin' of mine.
I woke up with a sore neck and shoulder a few days ago and to be honest I was happy.
I needed a break from everything.
I am still very proud of all I have done. I am a new person.
I still feel incredibly proud of myself for being able to put on a wetsuit.
I am incredibly proud that I did a 10k recently.
I feel proud that my thighs don't rub together anymore.
I am proud that I can swim and not have fear in the pool anymore.
I want my picture taken now because I LOVE how I look in pictures. I'm pretty cute now!! :-)
I am super proud when my kids make healthy choices without me helping them.
I am proud of all this and so much more, but (you knew there had to be a but coming)
this journey is hard. I had some stuff thrown my way and even though I am handling it WAY better than I would have in the past it still puts doubts in my mind. I start to second guess myself, start to question things.
These are all things that I would discuss with my counselor, but he is taking a couple weeks off. I realized yesterday how much I look forward to my counseling sessions. How it makes the week a little easier cause I know when something stresses me out I have James to talk to. I have come to rely on James for this help and maybe this time off from counseling has made me realize just how much I have come to rely on him. What am I going to do when James is gone? What if I can't always get counseling? This had made me realize I need to figure this all out. James is great and is helping me greatly, but just realized yesterday how much I'm missing him and his input. I could email him, but I want to try and do this on my own without his input and see how I do. So far I've been doing just ok, but I plan on doing better this next week and guess what? I'm back to counseling the first Wednesday in June. I wish our session could be two hours and not just one.

So with all this emotional crap going on in my head, I have not done what I needed to do with working out and eating like I should. Again, needed the break from it all to clear my head. I woke up this morning feeling like my head is clear. I decided last night that today I would weigh myself, pretend like today is the first day of my journey, and get my butt back in gear. One thing that is really annoying to me is that when I am ready to hit my next milestone with weight loss I seem to self sabotage myself. I have yet to figure out why I do this, but I'm done. When I was near my wedding day weight it took me almost 2 months to get below it. Now I've been super close to losing 90 pounds. I was just 6 ounces away. It's been 3 weeks now. I'm really pissed at myself, so today I weighed myself and I'm setting new goals. I'm starting over so to speak. Today is the first day of the rest of my journey.

I stepped on the scale this morning and much to my surprise It says that I weigh 215 pounds. That means I have broken through the 90 pound barrier. That is 91 pounds lost. Now, I'm not going to get excited. Don't get me wrong I'm happy, but I officially weigh in at Weight Watchers on Saturday, so I do not celebrate until it is officially in my Weight Watcher's book. This is really the encouragement I needed. The timing could not have been more perfect.

So I said that I would set some new goals. The first goal that I am setting is to hit 101 pounds lost by June 12th. That is the weekend of my first triathlon of the season. I want to be able to say that I have lost over 100 pounds by then. That is a little bit steep of a goal, but I like to set my goals a little out there for a challenge. My next goal is to have lost 111 pounds by July 11th. That is my big race of the season. That is going to be my first EVER Olympic Distance Triathlon. Not only will this be my first Olympic Distance Triathlon EVER, it will also be the first time EVER in my triathlon career doing a triathlon under 200 pounds. That is a huge accomplishment. I cannot wait.

So today, I woke up refreshed, encouraged, and ready to get out there. I'm off to eat breakfast and head to the gym.

No one told me this journey would be easy and to be honest, I'm glad it's not because I will have earned every pound lost and will always remember every drop of sweat and tear shed to get to my goal and will never forget that and that will help me never go back to where I was.

What ever your goal is you can do it. I know you can and I'm here to help you achieve your goals. Hang in there and never give up. One thing that I have clung onto lately is looking at how far I have come and not how far I have to go. Focus on the positive, not the negative and you will achieve your goals.

Have a great day today and be great today!!


fitncrafty said...

Your goals are fabulous!! Aim high!

I am excited to share in your journey, although sometimes hard, challenging etc.. it is part of life, and learning to continue despite the challenges is what makes it worth it and doable!

Hang in there my friend.. I am proud for you!

Melissa said...


Thanks so much. It is always so encouraging to hear from you. From someone who has been in the trenches. Thanks. I appreciate you.