Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Haiku Monday on Tuesday and my thoughts on my first Tri club event.

Last night I went to do my Haiku Monday post and couldn't because blogger wouldn't let me sign on for some reason, so here it is a day late.

I went to tri club
We spun for 90 minutes
I am sore today

Is tri club for me?
I feel inadequate
I feel too big

I talked to the girls
after my tri spinning class
they encouraged me

I will not give up
I deserve to be healthy
I am proud of me

As you can tell by my Haikus I went to my first tri club activity. It was a 90 minute spinning class. I managed to stay on that bike for the whole 90 minutes, but was sore and cried at one point because I really felt self conscience and felt like I was too much of a beginner to be in there and too big. I know that no one cared about my size in there. I know that it is just me being insecure. I know that I am making a change and that everyone is proud of me, but it is just my dumb insecurities creeping back in. I talked to the three girls that are running the club after the spinning class. One of them lost 90 pounds to be wehre she is today and one of them used to battle a weight problem. They were great. I told them that I am tired of being the biggest person in all of the classes I am taking. I'm tired of feeling like people are looking at me. They pointed out all the positive things that I am doing in my life and that I made it to class and stayed on the bike for 90 minutes. The Tri Club has 120 people that signed up and there was probably 15-20 people at the spin class, so I guess me making it to class is a big deal. They told me to quit focusing on the fact that I'm the biggest person in class. I know that I need to do that. I know that I need to not worry about what others think, but it is hard. On December 22, 2007 I vowed to myself to change and to be a better person both physically and mentally. I have lost weight every week since that date and I have been in the gym on a regular basis since then. I am spending more time with God. Everything is going great and that is why I am confused on why all these insecurities are creeping back in. I've been and will be praying more because I know that I can get through this with God's help. I know that this is just a phase and I am not going to let anyone or anything get in the way of my goals this time. Could it be that I'm scared about the changes that lie ahead. I have been this size for so long that subconsciously I don't want to change? I don't know, but with God I know that it will all work out. I truly believe that I am significant because of who I am in Christ, not by what size I am or what number is on the scale or what event I am doing, but truly significant because of who I am in Christ and what I am doing for Him. With Him as my focus I know that I can get through this. He is my rock and my foundation. He is the one that helps me through my training and my events and He is the one that will get me through this.

Katie, Kristan, and Becky, Thank you so much for your encouragement last night after our spinning class. I really was ready to not come back. I'm glad that I stayed and talked to you. I know that God has brought you three into my life for a reason and that God led me to this tri club and I believe that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength." That includes spinning, triathlon training, and my events.

Let's see where this journey is going. Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement.


Wylee said...

It takes courage
to claim your physical space
in this big world.

Becki said...

Love the blog! Just wanted to let you know we're here for you and are so glad you're a part of the club:) I look forward to getting to know you better and running tris together this summer! Together we can do it!!!

Kelly B said...

Awesome job Melissa! Way to put yourself out there. The first time is always the hardest, and before long you'll be loving it and yourself! We love you. Keep up your great spirit! You're always everyone elses cheerleader and now you're learning to be your own! We're proud of you. Love you lots!

Lisa - Slow & Steady said...

Keep your positive attitude and stay focussed on the journey - and have fun along the way!

Mommymeepa said...

Nice Haiku Wylee!! Good job!!

IronTRISH said...

Good job Melissa!! My first spin class was only 60 minutes, and it was TOUGH. You stuck it out for 90! I am sorry to say that my insecurities have never gone away. I just get better at faking it, and I've realized that everybody's got em. And most people are too worried about themsleves to even notice my "flaws".