Sunday, July 13, 2008

My Light bulb Moment

Have you ever had one of those light bulb moments? An AHA moment? One of those moments where you knew your life was going to change forever? I have and it came yesterday at my weight watchers meetings.

As you all know I hurt my calf muscle a week ago tomorrow. I hurt it bad. I couldn't walk and two of my son's coaches had to help me off the field, into a car, up my driveway, and into my house. I know it had to be hard for them weighing in at almost 300 pounds, but they never let me know and they were so wonderful in how they helped me. As I said in my last post I was frustrated at my injury, but even more importantly I was frustrated at the weight I had let myself become and now with this kind of injury all my plans to get active again would be sidetracked.

Leading up the the injury we were on vacation where we walked forever each day. I ended up having knee and ankle issues. I could not walk that fast and had to sit from time to time. UGH!! I tried to convince myself that I had lost weight because of all the walking, but I knew that eating out every meal and not making good choices all those times could not be good even with all the walking. How many more summers would I go on vacation overweight? I didn't know at this point.

So back to my light bulb moment. Yesterday morning was my weight watchers meeting. I hadn't been since the beginning of June and to be honest was avoiding it. I told myself that come hell or high water I was going to that meeting. Not even a boot on my leg would keep me away from there. I knew that I had to go. I woke up at 6am on a Saturday morning, got dressed, got my boot on, got my cane, and headed out the door. It was raining HARD. I headed out and got stopped by a train. While waiting for the slow, long, train (you know when there are 6 engines you are in trouble) a song came on my CD. It is called I AM FREE. The chorus spoke to me in that moment and I cranked the song and sang it with all my heart. Here are the lyrics:

Through you the blind will see
Through you the mute will sing
Through you the dead will rise
Through you all hearts will praise
Through you the darkness flees
Through you my heart screams
I am free


Through you the kingdom comes
Through you the battle's won
Through you the price is paid
Through you I'm not afraid
Through you there's victory
Because of you my soul sings
I am free

This was the beginning of my moment. Even with the boot on my foot, even with being caught by a train, and even with a weight gain, which I knew was inevitable, I WAS FREE. I AM FREE. I felt that freedom right then and there. It was what I like to call a God Moment for me. It was incredible. Like the first verse of the song says my heart was able to scream I AM FREE. The train ended and then the gates got stuck. Like I said I was going to this meeting no matter what. I waited and the gates finally opened and I was off to my meeting. It took my forever to weigh in, but I did and I gained 5 pounds. Normally I would have cried, but not today because today I AM FREE. I went into the meeting late. I don't really remember what he was talking about, but I was able to visualize what FREEDOM I would have once I lost the weight, but even more important the FREEDOM I have now with who I am.

I decided right then and there I can still be active even without my legs. I planned what I will do this week at the gym or at home to stay active. I am tracking every morsel that is going into my mouth this week. I AM FREE from the bondage of this weight. I am excited. So I guess you could say my light bulb moment came on the way to Weight Watchers and while I was there. I AM FREE and with Christ's help I will succeed. Life is too short for me not to get healthy and stay healthy. I know those of you that follow me will probably think, "here she goes again." That's ok. I did not gain this weight overnight and I will not lose it overnight.

I have nicknamed my journey Operation Skinny Mel (OSM for short). I am sick of being fat. I am sick of not feeling well and I am sick of my joints and back hurting. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Here's to a healthier me.


Kim said...

My dear here is to your new found freedom! Sometimes it takes those moments in life to make us realize what we need to do, sounds like you found your moment! I'll be following your journey to freedom.

Megan said...

Here Here!