UGH!!! I hate the mental games I play with myself. I told myself after having Monday off that I needed to get to the gym the rest of the week. Tuesday and Wednesday went well. Today was HARD. It was a total mental challenge. I started doubting whether or not I should be even thinking about an Ironman in 5 years or even a half in 3 years.
I have been journaling everything I have been eating for about a week now. Not missing a thing. I have been active and trying to lose some weight, but today for some reason the doubt crept back in. Should someone my size talk about Ironman? Should someone my size even be attempting these things? Do I deserve it? I know the answer to all these questions: YES, YES, and YES, but my mind was playing games with my psychy today. I didn't eat badly, but ate some things I shouldn't have. I put off the gym for a loooong time today hoping I wouldn't have time, but guess what? I put on my Ironman Wisconsin shirt and I made it to the gym about 1 hour before I needed to pick up my daughter from school. I biked 4 miles and walked 1 mile on the treadmill. It was hard for some reason today and I probably wasn't as productive as I could have been, but I made it. I didn't let the things that I was telling myself win. I will be going to the gym tomorrow to swim and will be ready to go the second my son gets on the bus. I will not let this happen again. To all those voices telling me I CAN'T or I DON'T DESERVE to be healthy, or SOMEONE YOUR SIZE shouldn't be thinking about these things, SHUT UP ALREADY.
I received a very encouraging email from my friend Laura (GO MOM GO link listed to the right) and she told me maybe I'm concentrating too much on the big goals I have. 2013 is 5 years away and I need to start making smaller goals, but she also told me she knows I'm going to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. Laura, thanks for the encouragement. I really needed it today. Laura's nephew to be has been diagnosed with Trisomy 13 in Utero. Little Jeremy has helped me through this slump. He is ready to fight the fight of his life and me sitting on my bed like a lump feeling sorry for myself is not going to help me reach my goals. If I do not lose the weight and get healthy now I might not be here long for my kids. Baby Jeremy was just who I needed to think of to appreciate today and realize how blessed I am to be healthy enough to work out and that I should not take that for granted. Thanks Jeremy. You are not even born yet and you have touched my life.
Bfit Birthday Challenge
Swim: 1000 Yards (2000 to go)
Bike: 9 miles (26 miles to go)
Run: 2 miles (3 miles to go)
Smaller goals to focus on:
Tomorrow: Be ready to go the gym 1st thing in the morning and swim another 1000 yards.
By December 31st: lose 20 pounds
By my June Sprint Tri: Run a 5k without stopping
I started losing weight in 2008 and over the next two years lost 106 pounds. In 2010 my life changed when I got diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. Over the next two years I gained back 100 pounds. I'm taking my life back. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today is my fresh start and it can be yours too.
3 comments:
I think those thoughts are completely normal. I've done 2 IM's and each time I've had major doubts, but once I toe'd that line -- I had no doubts, just determination. I think the mental side is 80% of the deal for IronMan. My suggestion is to always overcome your mind -- meaning, NEVER give up during a workout (if I planned on a 10 mile run, then no matter what I do a 10 mile run).
Have a nice evening...
Oh Melissa! You made me tear up.
You so will do anything that you put your mind to...REALLY!
I am looking forward to the journey...aren't you? Each step along the way helps you build to the next day -- but you wouldn't trade today for tomorrow...Right!? Take it one step at a time, literally!
Peace!
Small steps, she's right....knock down one at a time and eventually they all add up.
Stay determined!!!
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