Avoidance

I want to avoid personal training today.
I want to avoid Weight Watchers tomorrow.
I want to just stick my head in the sand and pull it out next week.

I only had 1.4 pounds to lose this week to hit 40 pounds lost.
I froze up. I didn't have a good eating week. I will probably have a gain.
I started out having a great workout week, but that went down the tubes after my back went out.
I know there are ups and downs on this journey, but this week should not have been a bad week. This one I could have controlled and that is why I want to avoid all that holds me accountable.

Over the years of becoming overweight I have become the queen of excuses and I have a list of them for this week.

I emailed my coach and told him about my back, so this morning I figured I was going to call or email him and tell him that working out would not be good because of my back. The thing is my back is feeling better, not great, but better. I also forgot when I set up the time to meet with him that Parker had a half day of school. I can't possibly work out with him now. I need to take care of Parker.

I did email him this morning, but it was more to see if I could change the time not get out of it. I cannot live a life of excuses anymore. I screwed up this week and that's all there is to it.

About Weight Watchers I DO NOT WANT TO GO. My leader has been bragging about me to my group and it has added pressure to me. I'm pretty sure I have gained weight this week and I don't want to have to go and deal with that since so much was said last week about how great I'm doing. I'm thinking of going and just not weighing in (that's an option they give), but then I feel that if I go I might as well weigh in and face the music. Again, I am full of excuses as to why I shouldn't go. My sis-n-law is here from Canada, my daughter has guitar, I have a class I need to take at the gym. My husband is out of town tomorrow. Again, all legit, but not reasons for me to not go to weight watchers and weigh in. They have a 7:30am meeting, so there is no excuse for me not to go, but I DON'T WANT TO GO.

I did this to myself by not tracking what I ate and not keeping on top of what I need to do to stay healthy. In the past I would have skipped weight watchers for a few weeks. I know that I cannot do that this time. It is so much harder to go back after skipping for awhile. I would have avoided all these people in my life that care. My coach won't be thrilled, but he will help me get back on track and ask me the questions I need to be asked so this won't happen again. My weight watchers leader will encourage me to get back on track and my WW friends will be there for me.

Why do I want to avoid all these people that are part of my team to encourage me and support me? At first I was going to say I don't know, but I realize it's cause I'm embarrassed that I fell into some old habits this week. I feel like I have let everyone down, but in reality I have only let myself down. One of those old habits is to avoid things when it gets tough, but I do not want to be that person anymore. I will not be that person anymore. I will not avoid going to personal training today. I will not avoid weight watchers tomorrow. Will it be hard? Heck Yeah. Will I work hard so I won't have to feel this way again? Heck Yeah! Do I appreciate everyone in my life that is helping me on this journey? Heck Yeah!

Here are some Haikus on the topic: (5 syllables in first line, 7 in second, 5 in last line)

Avoiding is bad
It will not help you move on
Face it head on now

I will not avoid
I want to succeed in life
No more excuses

Old habits die hard
I do not like the old me
Watch out world I'm here