Thursday, February 10, 2011

"Today I inspired myself."

This week I have a goal of hitting all the workouts that my coach put on the schedule. Lately, that has been a hard goal due to some ongoing symptoms with my Chron's, but this week I decided this is it. I am going to do it. I looked at my training schedule and on Tuesday there was a 30 minute run in the AM, weight training and a 20 minute run in the PM.

I woke up on Tuesday having some stomach issues. I did what I needed to do as a mom, but instead of heading to the gym, I headed back to bed, sick. As the morning went on I kept thinking of my goal of hitting all my workouts and of my 30 minute run I hadn't done yet. I was still not feeling well, so was trying to figure out what to do.

Parker got home from school at 3:15 and had a theater class 7:00. I knew that I still could get this run in. I got him situated with his homework, and as soon as Keith was home from picking up Tricia I headed to the gym. I know this run was scheduled for a morning run, but this would have to do.

I got there, stretched, and then hopped on a treadmill. Since being sick most of the fall, I lost most of what I had built up for running. Running for 2 minutes is hard for me now. This run was a 15 minute run/jog and then intervals of 1 minute at a time, fast, recover, fast, recover, for 10 minutes, and then a 5 minute recovery jog equalling 30 minutes total. I know out of the gate this would be hard, but I was determined.

When I start running and it is hard I have to look up and focus on something in the distance. I got into my pace and looked up into the distance and there was a door with a triangle on it and at each point it said, Mind, Body, Soul. What a great thing to focus on.

Each time it got hard, I focused on what I have done in my life to better my mind, body, and soul. I focused on what I have been through and what I have overcome. For my MIND, I have sought out counseling to deal with the loss of my mother and other issues. I stand up for myself, I set boundaries, and I am proud of who I am. I am the strongest I have been mentally in years.

As far as my BODY is concerned, I have been actively losing weight since November 2008. I have had success there and have lost over 100 pounds. This fall was one of the hardest times for me in my life as far as my health was concerned. I was in and out of the hospital for a couple months, had my gall bladder taken out, and finally was diagnosed with Chron's disease. As I stared at the word BODY on that door in the distance I realized just what my body has been through, where it's been, and where it is going to be. I realized on that treadmill that I have been through a lot, but I am not going to let that stop me from reaching my Ironman dream. I was on a treadmill running the best I had in a long time. Even though that very morning I had Chron's symptoms, I was on that treadmill completing my workout, feeling great about myself.

The next word on the door was SOUL. I focused on that word and realized how far I have come in this area of my life in the last 2 years as well. I really was disillusioned with the institution of the church, some of the people of the church, and needed to figure out if my relationship with God was because it is all I've known since I was a kid or it is because it is what I believe. I have come through all of this on the side of my relationship is just that, MY relationship. I am growing more and more everyday and have put God at the center of my life once again and that is very freeing.

As I thought about all of this and my 30 minute run was coming to an end, I could not get over who I have become mentally, physically, and spiritually. It totally blew me away. Every day I am told by one person or another that I have inspired them in some way. I have always been very open with my journey, so that one person out there might change their lives, but I had never truly inspired myself until Tuesday, February 8, 2011. As the treadmill came to a stop, I took a drink, and started to tear up, literally. I looked back up at that door and said to myself, "Today I inspired myself" and it feels great. I packed up headed home with a huge smile on my face.

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