Happy Again

I had almost a month where I had a lot going on and was unmotivated.
Today I woke up happy.
I wrote about being happy on January 24th and I feel that happy again.
It feels good.
God is good.

Who is that lady?

Last night I went to a spinning class at the YMCA.
I ended up spinning for 90 minutes, burned 1013 calories.
I had on my biking shorts, a hoodie sweatshirt, and a visor.
I was chugging along and looked up and looked in the mirror.
I didn't even recognize myself. I seriously had to do a double take.
It made me smile so big. The instructor probably thought I was nuts.
It's moments like these that I remember why I am doing this.
It's moments like these that I am so proud of myself.
Lately I have had no motivation, but last night I had a moment, which
is starting to bring that motivation back.

Monday I went to masters swim. I swam 2600 yards.
Yesterday I went to counseling, it was hard, but I'm getting better mentally too.
I am a new person and I love it.
We all have ups and downs in our journeys. Losing motivation is bound to happen at one point or another.
It's what we do during that time.
Last week I gained weight. This week, I"m not sure what is going to happen weight wise, but that's ok because I
feel like yesterday in spinning I turned the corner I needed to in the motivation department.
I woke up this morning with a new spark. It feels good.

Here's a picture I looked at last night that really helped me too:

A woman's first week at the gym! :-)

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
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TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the world would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butthole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that demon Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

I'm frustrated

I'm very frustrated at myself for this past week.
I have not mentally been on my game.
I have lost my motivation.
I have not done what I've needed to do to get past this.
I took the weekend off WW.
I swam yesterday, but eating was off, but not horrible, but still off.
Yesterday, I went to the thrift store because I need new pants.
I had to buy a new size because of my losing weight. I bought 5 new pairs.
I felt so happy.
Even though I have had a rough week, I was still able to go through a big part of the rack saying, "Nope, too big. Nope, WAY TOO big. Nope NEVER AGAIN!!"
These were all sizes that I had been in at one time and another and even with a bad week, I am no where close to those sizes.
It is just what I needed because I really have lost focus and motivation.
I'm not where I was, but I am getting my focus and motivation back.
Heading to the gym now for a swim and run and looking forward to it.
I am once again excited about my events I am running this summer and if I don't get the motivation back or get back on track there will be no events to run this summer because I will not run them unhealthy or undertrained.

MELISSA SNAP OUT OF IT!! YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU'VE DONE IT BEFORE. YOU WILL DO IT!!

Signed up for some stuff

So it's that time of year again, time to sign up for runs, bike rides, and triathlons and since it's that time of year, I signed up for some stuff.

First one up is the Shamrock Shuffle. March 21st, 2010 I will be running an 8k. I'm excited and nervous all at once. This will be the first time that I am doing more than a 5k. An 8k is 4.97 miles. I know that I will be able to do it, but it's just a little nerve racking until I toe the line and do it.



Next up is a 10k in April. A 10k is a 6 mile race. Again this will be my first time running this distance. It is in LIbertyville, Illinois, which is right in my backyard.

On May 30th 2010 I will be doing BIKE THE DRIVE in Chicago. This is where they close down famous Lake Shore Drive for the morning and open it to bikers. If you do the whole loop it is a 30 mile ride. I look forward to it every year.



As I mentioned in a previous post June 13, 2010 I will be doing Woman's Triathlon Series in Naperville. This is a sprint triathlon that I do every year because this is where my whole journey started with triathlons. I will be doing this race with Darlene.



Again, as I mentioned before I will be doing my first Olympic Distance Triathlon (approx. 1 mile swim, 30 mile bike, and a 10krun) EVER on July 11, 2010 in Lake Zurich, Illinois. Again, I will be doing this race with Darlene. Darlene is the one, back in 2005, that brought up the idea of us doing a sprint triathlon in 2006. I thought she was nuts (still do!), but we did the one in Naperville and the rest is history. I love that we are upping our distance together and I love that we will do our first 1/2 Ironman together in 2011. Dar, thanks for introducing me to the greatest sport ever. I have met so many people that I love in the Triathlon world, but no one tops our 25 year friendship. Thanks for everything.

I'm very excited about this schedule and cannot wait to get going.

Weight Loss Goals:
*Get under 200 pounds by the end of March
*Weigh 175 or less by my first triathlon on June 13th, 2010.
*Once there I will set new weight loss goals.

Thoughts on this past week

I wrote this blog post yesterday, Saturday, February 6, 2010.

Here I am in Starbucks atain one week since I wrote my letter to my Zoe girl, almost 1 week since her funeral. I promised Zoe I wouldn't waste another day. I ahve started to keep my promise.

This week I started watching less TV and am spending a lot less time on the Internet. I've thought about a lot this week. I've taken some huge steps in the right direction, but still have a long way to go.

This week was a bit bizarre. I really just went through the motions of life. My heart was not in this week. It was a MAJOR off week. I just cannot put my finger on it, but the good news is is I persevered and finished my week as strong as I could.

I headed to Weight Watchers knowing that I had lost weight and looked forward to finding out how much I had lost. I lost 4 pounds. I am very happy about that loss because it really taught me a lot about myself.

I was having, for lack of a better word, a bad week. My workouts could have been better, my eating a little better, but I did it. I persevered and I lost 4 pounds. This made me realize that this healthy lifestyle is just that, my lifestyle.

In the past if I would have had a bad week I would have closed down, not tried, and had a 5 pound gain if not more.

Even with the 4 pounds loss ther were some things I did this week that I was not happy about. I have already done some self-reflection and am ready for my new week. I love that I am losing weight. I love that my workouts are on fire, but what i love the most is that i see positive changes mentally everyday.

The title of my blog is, "Journey to Ironman Wisconsin 2012." When I am ready to toed the line at IMWI '12 I will be both mentally and physically ready because of weeks like this.
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ON A SIDE NOTE:

I had my second meeting with my new counselor, James. We are staring to really explore some issues that I have had that led to my being overweight. I have kept things in so long, not talked about them, and now after shedding 82 pounds, I'm finally ready to talk and free myself.

If you are on a journey to
lose weight and better yourself this year please do not forget to mentally take care of yourself. Whether your battling your weight, smoking, or something else, please figure out the WHYS of what you are struggling with.

I am convinced that's why I am having success. I've done weight loss before, but never had the success I'm having now. I"ve also noticed a HUGE change in my mind set too. Before I used to think about, "If and when I gain the weight back," now I know, "I will NEVER gain the weight back." That is a great feeling to have.

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WW UPDATE FOR THIS WEEK:

Lost: 4 pounds
Total lost: 82.6
Current Weight: 223.6