I did it!!

93 to be exact.
I lost 4.4 pounds this week.
Next up 100 pounds lost, hopefully by June 13th.

Exciting times. There's no stopping me now.

Thanks for all your support and encouragement.

Off To Weight Watchers

I am very excited to go to Weight Watchers today.
Today I hit a new milestone and I can't wait to see exactly what it is. I will post an update to twitter and facebook right away and will post one on here later today.

Thanks again for all your support and encouragement along the way. I know I have said this a million times, but I mean it every time. I could not be doing this with out all of you. Thanks.

My stomach aches

So I blogged yesterday about stuff going on and was all ready to go to the gym.
Around 1pm my stomach started killing me, big time. It was hurting so badly that I WANTED to puke, so I would start to feel better.
I had it all planned out, get my kids in bed by 830pm, head to the gym, get in a short swim, bike, and short run. A mini triathlon. I had it all planned out all day. Was ready, excited to go, and BAM, this stomach thing. At 850 I was still at home doubled over on my couch and still trying to figure out if i could go. I finally gave in and decided not to go.
I was upset. I wanted to go to the gym. I couldn't. My body would not allow it.

I decided then and there that I would just move yesterdays workout to today. I have the plan all in my head. Go to the car dealership to get something looked at on my car, go to my chiropractor to follow up on my shoulder and neck that went out on Sunday, go to Runner's High-n-tri to exchange my shoes, go to the gym. It's perfect. I'm smiling while thinking about it. As I was doubled over on the couch I decided that was the plan for today. I woke up this morning and my stomach still hurts, just not as bad, but I decided NO MATTER WHAT I am going to the gym today. It may not be the best workout. I may not be able to finish, but come hell or high water I am working out.

I realized with all the mental crap and physical crap that went on earlier in the week I was starting to make excuses. My neck and shoulder really went out, maybe it's cause I needed the mental break from everything, but now it's better, but I still eeked one extra day out of it, you know to make sure I was ok. Now I have this stomach thing. I'm finding that it would be very easy for me to just NOT work out. You would all understand. My coach would probably understand, but I do not want to fall back into the excuses zone that I used to live EVERYDAY!!

That is why I have decided that today, NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER HOW MY STOMACH FEELS, I will be at that gym today.

On a side note. I have gone to the doctor a couple times to start figuring out my stomach issues. If you are close to me you know my deal with doctors. I have not followed through on what they have told me because of some fears that I have. Yesterday and today have made me realize that NOW is the time to really take care of this once and for all. There is NO WAY I can be an Ironman if I can't even control stomach issues on a day where I don't have a hard workout. Can you imagine what I would be like on race day, 2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run. I will not finish if I do not start figuring this stuff out now. Today, on my blog, I am declaring a new era in my life. A new era of going to the doctor and doing what the doctor says.

Just for those of you who might not know my history. My mom died at age 53 from cancer. It was in her colon, but because of being overweight was misdiagnosed. By the time they found it, it was too late. She died 7 months later. I don't trust doctors very much and finally found one I liked and trusted and he is no longer seeing everyday patients in his practice. He brought in two new doctors and is only doing physical therapy now. I really wish I could see him, but I can't and I need to get over it. Please hold me accountable, but don't give me a hard time.

New day!! Yay!!

So the last few days a lot has been sloshing around in this noggin' of mine.
I woke up with a sore neck and shoulder a few days ago and to be honest I was happy.
I needed a break from everything.
I am still very proud of all I have done. I am a new person.
I still feel incredibly proud of myself for being able to put on a wetsuit.
I am incredibly proud that I did a 10k recently.
I feel proud that my thighs don't rub together anymore.
I am proud that I can swim and not have fear in the pool anymore.
I want my picture taken now because I LOVE how I look in pictures. I'm pretty cute now!! :-)
I am super proud when my kids make healthy choices without me helping them.
I am proud of all this and so much more, but (you knew there had to be a but coming)
this journey is hard. I had some stuff thrown my way and even though I am handling it WAY better than I would have in the past it still puts doubts in my mind. I start to second guess myself, start to question things.
These are all things that I would discuss with my counselor, but he is taking a couple weeks off. I realized yesterday how much I look forward to my counseling sessions. How it makes the week a little easier cause I know when something stresses me out I have James to talk to. I have come to rely on James for this help and maybe this time off from counseling has made me realize just how much I have come to rely on him. What am I going to do when James is gone? What if I can't always get counseling? This had made me realize I need to figure this all out. James is great and is helping me greatly, but just realized yesterday how much I'm missing him and his input. I could email him, but I want to try and do this on my own without his input and see how I do. So far I've been doing just ok, but I plan on doing better this next week and guess what? I'm back to counseling the first Wednesday in June. I wish our session could be two hours and not just one.

So with all this emotional crap going on in my head, I have not done what I needed to do with working out and eating like I should. Again, needed the break from it all to clear my head. I woke up this morning feeling like my head is clear. I decided last night that today I would weigh myself, pretend like today is the first day of my journey, and get my butt back in gear. One thing that is really annoying to me is that when I am ready to hit my next milestone with weight loss I seem to self sabotage myself. I have yet to figure out why I do this, but I'm done. When I was near my wedding day weight it took me almost 2 months to get below it. Now I've been super close to losing 90 pounds. I was just 6 ounces away. It's been 3 weeks now. I'm really pissed at myself, so today I weighed myself and I'm setting new goals. I'm starting over so to speak. Today is the first day of the rest of my journey.

I stepped on the scale this morning and much to my surprise It says that I weigh 215 pounds. That means I have broken through the 90 pound barrier. That is 91 pounds lost. Now, I'm not going to get excited. Don't get me wrong I'm happy, but I officially weigh in at Weight Watchers on Saturday, so I do not celebrate until it is officially in my Weight Watcher's book. This is really the encouragement I needed. The timing could not have been more perfect.

So I said that I would set some new goals. The first goal that I am setting is to hit 101 pounds lost by June 12th. That is the weekend of my first triathlon of the season. I want to be able to say that I have lost over 100 pounds by then. That is a little bit steep of a goal, but I like to set my goals a little out there for a challenge. My next goal is to have lost 111 pounds by July 11th. That is my big race of the season. That is going to be my first EVER Olympic Distance Triathlon. Not only will this be my first Olympic Distance Triathlon EVER, it will also be the first time EVER in my triathlon career doing a triathlon under 200 pounds. That is a huge accomplishment. I cannot wait.

So today, I woke up refreshed, encouraged, and ready to get out there. I'm off to eat breakfast and head to the gym.

No one told me this journey would be easy and to be honest, I'm glad it's not because I will have earned every pound lost and will always remember every drop of sweat and tear shed to get to my goal and will never forget that and that will help me never go back to where I was.

What ever your goal is you can do it. I know you can and I'm here to help you achieve your goals. Hang in there and never give up. One thing that I have clung onto lately is looking at how far I have come and not how far I have to go. Focus on the positive, not the negative and you will achieve your goals.

Have a great day today and be great today!!

This Noggin' of Mine

I have had a lot going on in this noggin' of mine.
I've been in a funk the last couple of days.
My neck and shoulder went out the other day and that has turned into a nice excuse.
Well, the excuses are over. My neck and shoulder are better and I'm hitting the gym tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm starting fresh.
I'm pretending like it is day one of my weight loss journey.
I'm setting new goals.
Starting Fresh.
That is what I need to do.
That is what I'm going to do.
Good night, so I can get some sleep before starting fresh tomorrow.
I will weigh in in the morning, let you know what I weigh and what my new goals are.
I'm very excited.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life.
Go Me!!

I'm on Twitter

I am now on Twitter. I will be tweeting my journey from 306 pounds to Ironman Wisconsin 2012, which is 140.6 miles total. My Twitter name is 306to140. Come follow me and join me on my journey.

If you are on twitter let me know your name and I will follow you too.

Please be patient with me as I learn how to do this.

I hope you are having a great day!!

A lot on my mind

Some of you have noticed I haven't blogged. You've asked if I'm ok and I am for the most part.

First of all, we have been busy because Parker was in another Musical. This time he was an Indian in Peter Pan.

But, besides that there has been a lot going on in my mind.

Things I need to sort out before I can blog.

Counseling has been hard lately. VERY HARD!!

There are things I need to do, but that are hard to do. I don't want to do.

I'm working on stuff little by little day by day.

I look in the mirror and I do not recognize who is looking back at me. Literally, I do not recognize me.

I look inward and ask who am I? I do not know right now. I am trying to figure it out.

I am very proud of my weight loss. I will continue to be proud. I am excited about the endless possibilities that are coming my way, but with as much as I am losing, I am also becoming a new person, and one that I am trying to figure out.

A lot of me is the same. I will always be the kind, caring, compassionate person that I have always been. I will always be fun, outgoing, and the person in the room that will say hi to everyone, but there are some things changing about me.

I am trying to figure it all out and I will keep you posted on it as I do. Just bear with me while I do because it might take some time.

And for those of you not sure about the new me, I'm not sure either. We'll get to know her together.

I am a wearer of wetsuits!!!!!!!

Today I headed to my favorite running store, Runner's High -n- Tri, in Arlington Heights, Illinois. I got fitted for some new running shoes that are on hold, so my husband will go and pick them up for me for Mother's Day. (hint, hint, hint) I also knew that I wanted to try on a wetsuit. I have always been scared of wetsuits. I have never even thought about trying on a wetsuit. I was never the right size for a wetsuit, but today I knew it was time. I would tackle trying one on.

I talked to Erin, told her how much I weigh, 215 today, how tall I was etc. I told her I would probably just need the biggest size they have. She said the most wonderful thing to me. She said, "Nope, the biggest size will be too big on you." What did she just say? I know I must have heard wrong, right? Nope, I heard her correctly, I double checked the tag to make sure she was right, and guess what? She was right. She brought me the wetsuit and I tried it on. It was hard to get on, but not as hard as I thought. I came out of the fitting room, it was zipped up for me, and I asked them to snap a picture of me. The picture you see above is the picture they took. They looked at me from all angles. They said, "You actually might want to buy the next size down when you come back." I said, "What?" Yup, I heard them right. I might want to buy the next size down when I come back. Wow, who would have thought. I asked them the best technique for taking it off and headed into the dressing room.

That's when it hit me. I was walking back into the dressing room, closed the door, and saw myself in the full length mirror. OH. MY. GOSH!! WHO IS THAT PERSON? I had to stare for a minute. I started bawling like a baby. I mean big time. I had to cover my mouth with my hand, so nobody would hear me. I sat down on a little bench and just let it all out. That person in the mirror was me.

I have not been this weight in over 16 years. I passed my wedding day weight last Saturday. It was all very surreal. It had not hit me yet the significance of my weight loss. The significance of how far I have come. The significance or my journey. Up until today, when I looked in the mirror, I saw the flab under my arms, hated the size of my arms, my thighs, and still concentrated on my big stomach. All of that was erased today. Look how far I have come. I'm tearing up just writing this. I know I still have a way to go in my journey. I still have a lot more to do to get where I want to go, but today my focus has totally changed. I'm concentrating on how far I have come, I'm realistic about how far I have to go, but not negative about me.

Today was HUGE for me and this post does not even begin to describe the transformation that took place in that dressing room today. I needed this. I'm ready to kick even more butt. Watch out!!

I posted this pic on facebook and the comments are starting to pour in and the instant messages.

One comment that stood out was from my friend Carole, "Melissa you look so . . . . normal."

My friend Paul instant messaged me, accused me of photo shopping the pic, congratulated me and said, "Wow, your arms are really taking shape." My arms, wow, the one area of my body that I can't stand. They are taking shape. My arms. Yay!! That also drove home the point to me that I need to focus on where I've come from and not just concentrating on the negatives.

I hope that I was able to convey just a little of how today made me feel. It was incredible!! It was awesome!! It was a feeling that I will remember for a long time to come.

I AM A NEW PERSON!! I AM A WEARER OF WETSUITS!! I CAN DO ANYTHING I PUT MY MIND TOO. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!!

ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRR!! :D

My three coaches.

I was talking to someone last night and we were talking about my journey among other things.
She brought up that my head is in a totally different place from when she first met me.
I told her it was. That I was a completely different person then I was just 2 years ago.
I told her that really I contribute that to the fact that this time I get counseling every week and that is why I am having success. I am getting the mental games, the issues from my past, how I never say no to anyone, all taken care of. I have been woking really hard and will continue to work very hard in this area because if you do not take care of the why's you will never have true success.

I then went on to say to her it's like I have three coaches. I have my physical coach, Bob Mitera, who helps me with my physical transformation. He helps me with encouragement, making my workouts, educating me on the body, my bike, triathlons, and whatever else I need to work on. I do all the hard work and he directs me in the way to go.

I have my mental coach, James. He has been incredible really helping me with a lot of the mental aspects of why I became 306 pounds. With his help I no longer turn to food for comfort. I am facing my issues and working through them no matter how painful that may be. I am doing all the hard work and he directs me in the way to go.

I have my food coach, Kirk. Kirk is my wonderful weight watcher leader. Kirk has known me for a few years now. He knew me at 306 pounds. He has helped me learn what to eat and how to manage my eating. I have his number on speed dial and he is always there for me no matter what time it is. I know that I am doing all the hard work, but he directs me in the way to go.

I know how blessed I am to have each of these people in my life. I really could not do it without their direction. I tried on my own for years and couldn't do it. Each one has a very specific role in my journey and it is neat to see how all the pieces are coming together.

To hear my friend say that my head is totally in the game now makes me so happy. People are starting to take notice that I am changed. I am not changing to be noticed, but it is nice that people are noticing my hard work paying off.

I just want to thank Bob, James, and Kirk for directing me in the way to go. Each of them at some point or another has told me that I am doing all the hard work and I acknowledge that, but I wouldn't be working as hard without them, so thank you. I look forward to where all of this is going to lead.

Ironman is my ultimate goal, but as we all know that is going to be a day that will signify much more than just finishing a race. It will be the journey from a 306 pounds, sad, depressed woman who has transformed into a strong, powerful, woman who can do anything. Another friend last night told me she doesn't think I realize how many people I am touching with my story. I guess I don't and she said, "Just wait. You will see when you cross that finish line in Wisconsin how many people's lives you have touched. You will cry and we will cry. When you cross that finish line in 2012 it will signify a life that you never imagined you could ever have and you will just have gotten started." She told me that she and her fiance (hubby by the time I do the race) will be out there cheering me on all day. I could not do it without my coaches and my cheerleaders. My family, my friends, and my coaches make it all just a little easier. Thanks!!

Kona

So it has been a week since my big breakthrough and I seriously kicked some major bootay.
I was on the phone with Coach yesterday and we were just talking away and he said, "You know when you race Kona, blah, blah, blah." I don't remember the rest of the sentence because I was stuck on the "When you race Kona" comment. I interrupted him and said "When I race Kona?" and he said, "You heard me right."

Now for those of you that don't know,Ironman Hawaii, held in Kona, is the World Championships of Ironman. You have to qualify to go to Kona. It is a big deal when you get to race in Kona. My coach said, "When you race Kona." Not "If you ever race Kona." That is huge to me.

Yesterday evening I signed on Facebook and saw that my coach gave me a shout on on his wall for my weight loss and I thanked him. He wrote back on his wall, "Just wait to thank me at the finish line in Kona one day." I told him it was a deal.

I have a coach that believes in me, that has pushed me harder then I ever imagined I could ever push myself, and is willing to work with me so that I can race in Kona someday. You know what is even cooler than that is that I know I will race in Kona one day. If you would have said that to me a couple weeks ago, I would have said there was a slight chance, ask me a few months ago, I would have said maybe, a couple years ago, NO WAY!! Ask me today and I will tell you, "I will be racing in Kona."

That is a huge change in my mindset and that is how far I have come. Ironman Wisconsin 2012 is just the beginning of my journey and I am so excited to see where it goes from there and one thing I can tell you for sure is that Kona is part of that picture.

Thanks Coach, for believing in me and pushing me. With my hard work and your direction Kona WILL become a reality and I can't wait.

Next up in my journey, get an Olympic Distance Tri under my belt. Waaaahoooooo!!

OPERATION KICK BUTT week 2 has now begun. Let the butt kicking begin.

89.4

The fireworks are in celebration of the accomplishments I did this past week. Last week I had a major breakthrough in my journey. I had been stuck and very close for months to getting under 220 pounds. My coach has really encouraged me for several weeks to break through that 220 mark. The significance of that number is that is how much I weighed on my wedding day. Like I have said in previous posts I don't remember myself really under that weight. Coach Bob, knew it was a mental block for me. He encouraged me, he pushed me, and last Saturday I just decided he was right and it was time. Hence OPERATION KICK BUTT was born.

I decided it was time to kick my own butt. No one could do it for me. I just had to buckle down and do it. My eating was flawless. My workouts were the best in a long time. I had a ton of water, and just did what I had to do. I wanted to get under 220. On Wednesday I hit 220, down three pounds. Thursday, I was 218. I was below 220. I was so excited. Now I wanted to see how far below 220 I could get. I weighed in this morning and was 216.8. Not only did I go below 220, I blew right by it.

I only have to lose point 6 pounds now to lose 90 pounds. I will do it and then some. I want to see how close to 95 lost I can hit. I am excited and it really is easy. Eat lots of fruits and veggies, drink tons of water, exercise. It has really clicked.

My next target is 100 lost by May 15th. That may be pushing, but the reason I picked that date is because Keith graduates with his Phd that day and it has taken him years to achieve his goal. I have been working on my weight loss goals for years and I think it would be neat to celebrate together. If I do not hit my target, that is ok, but it is good to have those targets to take aim at and try to hit.

I am very excited about how far I have come, but also know I still have a lot of work. I am proud of myself and will not deny my accomplishments, but this weigh in is just one of many on my journey. I do not want to get so excited that I lose focus, so I have decided that this will be week two of OPERATION KICK BUTT. I will kick butt once again.

If you ever need encouragement. If you ever need advice or just a listening ear, I'm here for you. Email me or look me up on facebook. mommymeepa@aol.com On facebook you can look me up as Melissa Joy Bastian Black.

Have a great day and LET THE BUTT KICKING BEGIN!!

Official Weight Watchers Stats:

Starting Weight: 306.2
Today's Weight: 216.8
Total Lost to date: 89.4