Compliments

Compliments are very hard for me to accept.

I want to lose 130 pounds, so when people tell me I look great I say, "Thanks, but I have so much more to lose."

I have gained wait over the last 4 weeks, so when someone at church last Sunday said, "Wow, I see your still shrinking," I said, "Thanks," but was dying inside.

Today I met some Weight Watchers friends for breakfast after our meeting. I was wearing jeans, a top that fits, and my hair was down. Everyone said how great I looked and my response was, "Thanks, but I've gained the last four Saturdays."

Why is it so hard for me to accept a compliment? Why do I have to put myself down?
I have worked hard. I do look good and yes, I do have a ways to go, but man, I've lost a lot already even with my 4 week struggle, so I deserve the compliments. Next time someone says I look good, I will smile, flip my hair, and say, "THANKS. I DO LOOK GOOD, DON'T I?"

Weight Watcher Update

I woke up this morning and weighed myself. It's my same ritual every Saturday morning. I do it just to see what to expect at Weight Watchers. I actually knew on Friday that I had gained. I can just tell. Well, the scale confirmed it for me. I was frustrated. I had done a triathlon. Had some great workouts this week and really ate well. I could not figure out what happened.

I did not want to go to Weight Watchers, but knew I had to. I usually meet my friends from WW at 7am to walk. I was so frustrated about the gain that I didn't want to walk with anyone. I left a little bit late, texted my friend Dave and told him I was coming, but in a mood, and needed to walk alone. I prayed on my way there, listened to motivating music, and walked/jogged by myself with just me and my IPOD. I actually jogged most of the route and met up with my walker friends and by then felt great.

It didn't matter that I had gained this past week. I was out jogging. I was at my Weight Watchers meeting with friends instead of avoiding it like I would have in the past. I had done a triathlon the Sunday before. I went to the meeting, talked about my triathlon, showed off my finishers medal and encouraged my whole meeting to not put so much stake in the scale. I told them that I was mad coming to my meeting this morning. I told them that I almost let 3 pounds take away from all the great accomplishments I had this week. This is a reminder to myself, but to all of you out there as well. When you have a bad week with your eating and exercising please make sure you don't let it get you down. If you focus too much on the number you will let that side rail you. In the past I would have come home and said, "Screw it. I'm eating whatever I want today. What's the point?" I didn't do that today. I went to the gym and got in a great workout and then came home and ate a healthy lunch. I'm very proud of my responses today and feel like I have really turned a corner.

Watch Episode 9: Motivate for Only in A Woman's World.

Enjoy this cartoon. I thought it was cute and so true

The Professional Pics

Here are the professional pictures taken of me at my triathlon last Sunday. Sorry they are so tiny. I was only able to save the thumbnails. I really wish they would have gotten the finish sign in, but oh well. Enjoy!!



Me coming out of the swim before the long run to transition. I had shoes ready for me because of my sore foot and now am glad because I heard the rocks in the parking lot were awful.



Saying hi on the bike.



Looking good on the run.



Crossing the finishing line.



Showing off my bling.

It's a new day.

I'm focusing on what I need to do:

* focus on my relationship with God first and foremost!
* focus on healing my heel
* focus continuing to eat well
* focus on being active whether it's at the gym or just outside
* focus on getting my house organized this summer
* focus on where I am mentally with everything.

I am refocused and looking forward to continuing on in my journey towards a healthier life, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me the strength-Philippians 4:13

Had a reality check today

Today I went to personal training.
I told Matt about how my triathlon went.
It was very hard on me.
I'm very proud that I finished, but there was a lot that I had a hard time with.
Everyone is very encouraging and supportive and I appreciate that greatly. You will never know how much. Thank you for all the notes and comments of encouragement for this triathlon.

However, today I needed the reality check that Matt gave me.
He asked me a lot of questions.
He pushed me to really think.
He asked me a lot of questions regarding my heel and why I am not aggressively taking care of it. I have a great chiropractor that is telling me all the right things to do for it, but I am not completely following through and Matt really got me thinking about it all today.

He knows that I want to be an athlete and thin, so he asked me again why.
I told him I want to make my kids proud of me, I want to be healthy, I don't want to be tired and unhappy with who I am.
Then he asked me, "what is unhealthy about you?
I said I've been injured, I still don't have this eating thing down and that is all I basically said, but tonight I got to thinking that the thing that is most unhealthy about me is my mindset. I said to him, "If I could just get my mindset squared away I would be good to go." S I G H. No one said this would be easy.

Matt, thanks for our talk today and our workout. You gave me a lot to think about and I thank you for that. I am so happy we met and continue to look forward to our journey together.

Official Time

Melissa Black Swim 21:36 Transition 1 7:35 Bike 1:09:31 Transition 2 6:00 Run 1:00:09

Over all time 2:44:48

Results from 2006, first tri ever: 2:27

Results from 2007: 2:42

Race Report 1

Unofficial time: Between 2 hours 35 minutes or 2 hours and 45 minutes.

Cold water, perfect weather, they newly paved the bike. It was a great day.
Even with heel and hip problems was able to persevere and finish.

Did it with my best friend Dar and my blogger peep Siren (Hitting my Stride).
You ladies rocked it. Great job!!

I'm tired and hungry and at Dar's house for her bday bbq.

Will write more later.

Thanks for all your support.

Happy Birthday Dar.

Siren, you rocked that wet suit.

Twas The Night Before My Triathlon

Twas the night before my triathlon
and all through the house
everyone knows I am nervous
even the mouse

My list was hung on the fridge with care
with hopes that I wouldn't forget anything
that there'd be no despair.

Tricia and Parker are all snug in their bed
While dreams of cheering for their mom danced in their heads

Dar's got her stuff and I've got my swim cap
and now it's time for bed, no time for a nap

When from the garage their arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter

Away to the garage I flew like a flash
I was really worried that it was my bike that went crash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a man on a bike telling me to have no fear.

He came in so quick, so lively, and fast
I knew it was Triathlete Legend Dave Scott what a blast!!

Very rapidly his advice came.
He whistled, he cheered, and he called me by name.

Get in the pool, on your bike, get those running shoes on,
get out there compete, and have you some fun.

Keep on going when you hit that wall.
Now bike away, bike away, bike away all.

It's beautiful weather before the race.
I just couldn't believe that I was looking upon
Dave Scott's face.

So on his bike Dave Scott flew
He had all his gear and his nutrition too

Then in a twinkling I heard in the garage
Dave Scott changing gears. I stood there in awe.

I turned around and got on my bike
Dave Scott said we can go for a ride if you like.

He started to pedal and a turned his head,
Soon gave me a nod to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but just started to bike.
And I learned so much from just watching, biking and the like.

And after we biked awhile he knew it was time for him to go.
And giving a nod down the street he rode.

He sprang out of his seat, looked back my way.
Told me I would be great and to just have a fun triathlon day.

After that I heard him say, as he biked out of sight,

"Happy Triathoning to all, and to all a healthier life"

Just thinking about some stuff

Thinking about Statistics. . . why did I decide to take that class? I walked in my graduation 3 credits short and all that is keeping me from my diploma is a statistics class. I have had a long time to finish it, but have had a hard time. Keith has helped me tonight, but it is a looong process of trying to wrap my brain around this. Part of tonight's lesson was titled THE LOGIC OF HYPOTHESIS TESTING. See there is the problem. Me and logic just don't get along. When someone says, "Melissa just think of it logically" of Logically speaking" they lose me right then and there. I've never been good at logic puzzles or anything of the sort, so statistics being mostly logic is proving to be a hard class for me, but Keith has been very helpful, patient, and encouraging to me. He even came to Caribou Coffee tonight and helped me study. Please pray for me. I'm trying to finish this class by the 27th, so it is no longer hanging over my head. Thanks.

Thinking about Triathlons. . . first one of the season is the day after tomorrow. YIKES!! I'm thinking I'm going to go and have fun and finish. I'm thinking I have no high expectations. I'm thinking you can't do anything about injuries and you just have to work with what you've got. I'm thinking despite all my hurdles I've had to jump lately I'm the lightest I've ever been for an event, I've been training with Matt, I'm losing weight, and generally feeling better. Even with the lack of training I can say this might be my best time ever. I cannot wait to find out. I have another one in July and possibly in August. Sunday is just a warm up, so no matter what it will be good.

Thinking about my Kids. . . home from camp tomorrow. You know they drive you nuts when they are away from you and then you miss 'em like crazy when they are gone. I cannot wait to go and pick them up tomorrow and hear all their stories. Parker did the high ropes course twice. I am so proud of him and cannot believe how much he is growing up. He will be 10 July 2nd. I'm thinking I don't have little kids anymore. I am so proud of all they have done and will do and I love them soooo much.

Thinking about weight loss. . . sigh. I've been stuck losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for awhile now. I'm thinking I need to get my butt in gear if I want to reach 175 pounds by December 31, 2009. That has always been my goal, but I have put myself behind schedule, so I'm excited to see if I can reach my goal or be pretty darn close to it. I'm remotivated to do what I need to do, not to be thin, but to be healthy, and to have the lifestyle I have dreamed of. One of being active and not dying young like my mom.

Thinking about my relationships. . . I take most of them for granted especially my relationship with God and my wonderful husband, Keith. Today and tonight, Keith showed me so much kindness, patience, love, and encouragement that it reminded me why I fell in love with him. About my relationship with God, I want to be closer to Him and rely on Him for everything, so tonight I am recommitting myself to Him. I will have a goal of reading my Bible and praying everyday. I have let my goals, and busyness slowly push Him out. I cannot do anything without Him and not spending time with Him is not the way to go.

Thinking that I'm tired. . . . I still need to drive home from Caribou Coffee, so I must get going. Just was thinking about some things and wanted to get them down before I forgot. Good night.

Role Model

Wow, no one has ever told me I'm their role model, but yesterday someone did.
Someone is looking to me as an example. As someone they could model their life after.
I am so honored. I feel so unworthy, but know that God has put me in this person's life for a reason.
We were meant to meet. We were meant to help each other.
So many times we hear celebrities upset when people say they are role models for their kids, but I see it as an honor and privilege.

Jordan, I promise to be the best role model for you. I promise to strive to be the best that I can be and in doing so help you to be the best that you can be. I promise to be there for you when you need me. I can just listen when you need to talk, be a shoulder for you to cry on, or even go beat up some stupid boy. LOL Thank you for your compliments and for seeing me as someone that you would like to be like. This is such and honor and one that I accept with open arms.

Lord, Thank you for bringing Jordan into my life. Thank you that she sees me as someone she can look up to. Please help me be the best role model I can be and to always remember to keep you at the center of my life, so I always stay Christ centered and not me centered. I give you my journey and ask that you help me see what direction I am to go. Help me to always be encouraging to others and to always put others before myself. In Jesus' name- AMEN!!

Perspective

I am sitting here with my foot in a bucket of ice.
I have been having pain in my heel.
I pulled a muscle in my sore heel today.
I can barely walk. I have a triathlon on Sunday.

Baby John D. age 14 months.
Born with Down Syndrome and Leukemia.
Leukemia was in remission, but now it's back.
He goes into the hospital on Monday to start chemo.
He will be there for 6 months, 6 MONTHS.

Kinda puts my whole heel situation and triathlon situation in perspective, huh?
I'm very blessed. I'm blessed with two healthy children.
I'm blessed with my health even my sore heel.
I am learning to praise God through all my circumstances.

Please pray for Little John, his family, his doctors, and his nurses. His family has a long road ahead of them and will need all the prayers they can get.

U inspire!

I'm sitting here tonight at my computer just thinking about the journey I am on.
I checked facebook and someone had written two words to me. They read "U Inspire."

As some of you know I have been having a lot of trouble with the whole inspiring others concept. I hardly have a handle on what I need to be doing, let alone inspiring others and having that chance that I'll let them down. Recently inspiring others has felt like a burden to me.

Recently I have had 3 people tell me that because of me they have joined weight watchers. I have received emails from people that just signed up for their first triathlon and thanked me for making my journey so public. It was what I needed to hear because just this week I had I was questioning whether or not I should have made my journey so public. I was wondering if I was ever going to accomplish what I want to accomplish and then I realized that I am slipping back into relying on myself to make it and not relying on God.

My true inspiration comes from God and that He sent his only Son to die for me. Jesus made his journey VERY PUBLIC and he inspired so many to follow Him. I need to once again turn my focus on Him and not on what I want to accomplish and what I want to do. I need to again make Jesus and God the focus of my journey and everything else will fall into place.

Tonight I was talking to a wonderful young man, Matt, that is in my son's theater group. I was telling him some things about my journey and inspiring others and he said, "Wow, that's cool, you are like a missionary of sorts." That simple comment made me think about my journey and inspiring others in a whole new light. God has given me the gift of encouragement and reaching out to others. I am finally having success with losing weight and getting healthy and I could not do it without God. God is then turning it around where I am reaching out to others, inspiring them, and helping them change their lives. Because of God helping me I can turn around and help others.

This has totally shifted my thinking on inspiring others. Before I was looking at it as a burden. I was scared. I saw it as a responsibility that I didn't want. I felt I would let everyone down if I gained my weight back or quit triathlons, but now I see it as an honor from God. He has chosen me to help others change their lives just like He is helping me change mine. Wow, pretty cool. I also just want to say to God, U inspire me. Thanks.

Matt, thanks for those words tonight. I know it was just one sentence, but it really changed my outlook on the people that I am inspiring. God used you tonight in my life.

I also want to thank my friend Jordan R. You are always so encouraging to me and more times than you'll ever know, it is when I need it most.

Weight Watchers Update

Yeah, um, it was just as I expected not so good, but like I said in the last post, it is the start of a new week. I have reflected on what went wrong and readjusted for the coming week. It's all good.

I'm Frustrated

Tomorrow I go to Weight Watchers.
I am frustrated by my week.
I didn't work out like I should.
I didn't eat like I should.

I want to change.
I have changed, but some habits are hard to break.
Maybe I don't want it badly enough yet.
Maybe I still feel like I don't deserve it.
Maybe I'm letting that stupid voice in my head get to me.

I'm tired of this.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be thin.
I want to be an IRONMAN.

I don't want to gain my weight back, so
I need to snap out of it.
I am frustrated.
Old habits die hard and I am sick of it.

Tomorrow I go to weight watchers.
It's a new day.
It's just a number on the scale.
I have a whole new week ahead of me.

I want to change.
I will change.
I do want it bad enough.
I do deserve this.
I'm telling that stupid voice in my head to SHUT UP!!

I will do this.
I will be healthy.
I will be thin.
I WILL BE AN IRONMAN.

I will not gain my weight back.
I will snap out of this.
I will not be frustrated.
I will break my old habits.
They will not rule me.